


April Stevens & Sterling Wesley's Ultimate (Heartbreak?) Playlist

by daughter_of_thunder



Category: Teenage Bounty Hunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, F/F, Fluffy, Sexy, Slow Burn, Teen Romance, allthefeels, notheartbreakingatall, stepril - Freeform, wlw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:01:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 39,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26371612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daughter_of_thunder/pseuds/daughter_of_thunder
Summary: Beethoven had once said “What I have in my heart and soul, must find a way out.” And now more than ever, words and actions might not be able to appropriately mend it but maybe music would.She only had two songs on the playlist but April was sure that soon there would be more. Group Sessions on Spotify were a godsend.
Relationships: April Stevens/Sterling Wesley, Blair Wesley & Sterling Wesley
Comments: 125
Kudos: 505





	1. Slow Burn by Kacey Musgraves

**Author's Note:**

> So I am completely smitten by TBH and Blair, Sterling, and April. I really hope they get a second season. As the show progressed I had numerous songs that came to my head for the Stepril ship and I could have written a bajillion one shot songfics but we are no longer in FF.net about 10 years ago soooooo, I made it into a chapter fic. Probably slow uploads because I am in my last semester of grad school but it is what it is.
> 
> There is no COVID in this world. Hence the 2020 song mention you'll find real soon.

_Born in a hurry, always late_

_Haven’t been early since ’88_

The playlist obviously had a ton of Christian music and Country music. I mean it was for the lock-in. At Willingham. It’s not like they were allowed to play “WAP.”

“There has to be a ton of TobyMac and For King and Country.”

Truthfully, Sterling wasn’t even listening. She just stared at April’s fingers scrolling thru her phone, adding music to the playlist.

Eventually she nodded. April looked up and tapped her chin, “Oh, and Lauren Daigle and Hillsong Young & Free, duh.”

All very safe, Christian tunes, for sure. How ironic that the two girls who had been making out with each other were choosing safe music for their sexually repressed student body….super ironic.If Blair were here, she probably would have suggested 'Stir Fry' or something. Sterling chuckled at the thought.

April turned so fast, Sterling almost got whiplash from her hair, and scent. _Oh gosh._ “What’s so funny missy?” April frowned. “Are you not happy with the song selection so far? Would you prefer to suggest songs?”

_Texas is hot, I can be cold_

_Grandma cried when I pierced my nose_

Sterling smiled. It absolutely thrilled her to see her girl all riled up. _Her girl._ “No…of course not. I’d be much too frightened to override Willingham’s fellowship leader,” she states smirking.

April rolls her eyes and huffs. “Seriously, tell me. What does Sterling Wesley listen to?”

“Well my music catalogue is very extensive. I not only love to worship the Lord but I also like to get-“ Sterling motions her hands like she’s twerking “-down.”

Now it’s April’s turn to laugh. “So…”

“Our girl T-Swizzy, of course!”

“Okay.”

Sterling thought, “Is JB redeemed?”

“Mmmm, I guess. He recently got baptized. Maybe just prepubescent JB. Like ‘My World’ JB.”

“Yeah,” Sterling nodded. Then a lightbulb lit up. “OH! _Closed on Sunday. You’re my Chick-fil-A.”_ Adding some effect to the song, Sterling ridiculously licked her lips at the end. Her brow cocked to the side, giving her best smolder. April swallowed nervously.

Sterling smirked again. “Are you seriously turned by a Kanye song?”

April scoffed, “No…..” She whispered, “I’m turned on by you.”

By the end they had a good eclectic mix. There was some light Dua Lipa, Disney songs, Billie Eilish, Beyonce, Maroon 5. There was even some Selena for their Spanish teacher.

“There is one more album we need to add,” Sterling said.

“Album? Which one?”

Sterling stood up. “On March 30, 2018 the absolute best album of this decade was released through MCA Nashville. This album was critically acclaimed and won not just one but four Grammys. Album of the Year. Best Country Album. Best Country Solo Performance. Best Country Song. April, drumroll please….”

“Okay,” April patted her knees.

“Kacey Musgrave’s Golden Hour!”

April stood up too. “Of course! How could I have missed that?! I mean Space Cowboy.”

“Yup!” Sterling clapped.

“Rainbow!” April exclaimed again.

“Butterflies,” shouted Sterling.

April almost pulled at her head, “Happy and Sad”

“Oh, What a World!”

“High Horse!”

“Lonely Weekend”

Both of them were jumping as April added the songs one by one to the Spotify playlist.

“Slow Burn!” They said simultaneously. April looked up at her. “I love Slow Burn,” she said. Soon enough they were both humming it.

* * *

_Good in a glass, good on green._

_Good when you’re putting your hands all over me._

It wasn’t until later in her Volt when she had April under her, both of their hands touching and sharing searing kisses, that Sterling truly appreciated the song.

_I’m alright with a slow burn._

_Taking my time, let the world turn_

The next time Sterling played it was at the lock-in. Except there were no butterflies in her stomach, no stolen kisses, no touching.Now Sterling stood across the room from April. A few feet apart, but galaxies away. She could see April’s eyes perk up when Kacey’s smooth voice came in. She looked up at Sterling, pain etched on both of their faces.

_I’m gonna do it my way, it’ll be alright_

_If we burn it down and it takes all night_

_It’s a slow burn_

* * *

If Blair Wesley heard fuckin ‘Slow Burn’ one more time she was going to implode. Not only had she heard it about a bajillion times when she drove to Nandina but Sterling had not come out of her room much since the shit hit the fan. The only thing she could faintly hear was that stupid song.

It was Saturday and her parents had said that Sterling needed to be back in school on Monday. Blair needed her sister to snap out of it…fast. She strapped up…with her darkest clothes. This was no regular skip. It was depressed Sterl and Blair was about to _wooshh_ that depression out in the name of ~~Jesus~~ kickassery.

Slowly she entered the darkened room. Lowkey, it smelled. Like old chips. The offending music now louder than ever.

_Old soul, waiting my turn_

_I know a few things, but I still got a lot to learn_

Blair peered around the room and found Sterling’s phone on her bedside. She unplugged it. It was fully charged. It wasn’t like Sterling had been on it. In fact, when she opened it up, Blair found multiple missed messages and calls. The majority from Luke. And some from April.

_Aprillll._

Avoiding those two at school had been hard but Blair would not peep. This was Sterling’s story to tell and only she would decide whom to tell and when to tell.

Having had enough, Blair paused the song. Immediately from under the covers, Sterling moved up from the bed.“What are you doing?” Sterl’s voice was grave and hoarse. Like she’d cried herself to sleep every night for the past week.

“Turning off this depressing music,” Blair glared at her.Sterling flopped back into her bed. “Are you really here to scold me?”

“Sterling…..,” Blair wasn’t always good with words. That was her sister’s forte. “Sterling I can never imagine the pain and confusion you’re in but unfortunately Monday is in two days and I don’t want you to get hurt going back to school.”

Blair sat down on her bed. “There’s a lot of people who have questions. People are going to make their own assumptions and stories. I just want…need you to be strong, and listening to ‘Slow Burn’ over and over again isn’t going to help.” The body on the bed didn’t move or make a sound. Blair sighed and got in the covers.

“Sterling…I love you dude. You’re my sister-“

“No I’m not!” Sterling gasped as tears started running down her face. Her hands covered her mouth, trying not to make more noise and cause her parents to run up. Their comfort was unnecessary at the moment.

Blair could not take that as an answer. “Yes you are! You, Sterling Wesley are my sister. Nothing has changed.” Sterling whispered, “Except everything has.”

“No, Sterl. I’m still your sister. I can’t think of you as anything else. You’ve always been there. Nothing. Absolutely nothing can change that.” Soon enough Blair’s arms wrapped around Sterling. “Dad is still your dad. Mom is still mom. Nothing has changed. We are still a family. You still have us,” Blair whispered.Sterling calmed. Blair was somewhat right. Except now Sterling wasn’t so sure who she was.

As if Blair had read her mind she whispered, “And you. You’re Sterling. Still sweet, Christian girl with a kinky side Sterling. Leader Sterling who is really good at aiming a gun and being nice and cute and sort of popular.” Sterling snorted, “I’m not popular.”

“Okay, see nothing has changed. Our twin telepathical powers have not changed. It means we are twins through and through.”

Sometime later, Sterling sighed. “Slow Burn was the last song me and April added on the lock-in playlist. We made out to it. It was our song.” Blair asked the Holy Trinity to help her not roll her eyes. In midst of all the crying throughout the week, Sterling had shared that April had broken up with her. Typical April Stevens.

“Sterling…this might be harsh under other circumstances but we clearly both got burned this week by people who don’t deserve us. Nothing has changed. April Stevens was a bitch, and she is still one. So please let me do you a favor.”Blair grabbed her phone. Sterling’s eyes widened. And then she closed her eyes nodding slowly.

Blair deleted the playlist. Deleted ‘Slow Burn’. And the _Pièce de résistance…_

* * *

_So I’m alright with a slow burn_

_Saturday, 10:05pm_

_[Sterl_ 💛 _]: Fuck Slow Burn. Fuck this playlist._

_[Sterl_ 💛 _]: and fuck you_

April shot up when her phone lit up but immediately frowned when she read the texts. She wasn’t going to cry. She’d done a lot of that already. Instead she gnawed at her lip and stared at her ceiling for the rest of the night.

As much as she had told Sterling that night that she wasn’t ready, it still did little to the fact that she could not stop thinking of Sterling. April Stevens has fallen and hard. Sure she could have a beard but if it meant hurting Sterling then she’d surely disintegrate. Doing that would crush Sterling and herself in the process. It was bad enough she had disappeared for a week after and now this.

April Stevens did not know how to fix this but when Monday came around and she saw Sterling walking through the hallway with an almost soulless look, she took out her phone.Beethoven had once said “What I have in my heart and soul, must find a way out.” And now more than ever, words and actions might not be able to appropriately mend it but maybe music would. She only had two songs on the playlist but April was sure that soon there would be more. Group Sessions on Spotify were a godsend. They’d both have the power to add songs, hit play, hit pause. An ethereal communication.

April added Sterling to the group session at the beginning of lunch. And when Sterling sat down, she looked at her phone and popped in her AirPods.

April hit play.

The first song was _Slow Burn._


	2. Soaked by BENEE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A week had passed since April first made the playlist and shared it with Sterling. She played Slow Burn for her first but “Soaked” was now on constant repeat. The drowning, overwhelming feeling of Sterling. Everywhere. All the time. It's like she had her under her skin. April’s brain (and other place in her body) was inexplicably, constantly soaked…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, want to shout out everyone who commented not the first chapter. I have never really written multi-chapter fics and I get a little jumbled writing two same pronoun characters. But I appreciate your comments wholeheartedly and your support. Gracias!
> 
> Secondly, I want to shout out all the fellow Stepril writers here. There's some really amazing work and I am honored to be in this together. I've never had the privilege to join a ship at its beginning stages but joining this community has been so great and fun. Please DM me if anyone wants opinions or collab on anything else. 
> 
> Thirdly, if anyone has seen Kathleen Jordan's recent instagram posts you'll see she posted some playlists for Blair and Sterling. Its great to see the power of music influence this TV show and I was fortunate to dialogue a bit with her about the intersectionality of faith and Sterling's discovery of herself. I think that we all have our own playlist for Stepril and our playlist will be ultimately influenced by your own experiences. A lot of the songs I have mapped I've sung in the shower or quietly in my bed to myself. So yeah, just wanted to be cheesy for a bit and say that the power of music is truly outstanding. 
> 
> Lastly, word on the street is tomorrow we are raising hell on all social platforms to call for Season 2! Idk what the hashtag will be but GO OFF FAM!
> 
> Be excellent dudes :)

_Sterling. Sterling. Sterling. Sterling. Sterling. Sterling. Sterling. Sterling. Sterling. Sterling._

April Stevens has cum about…….6. No, scratch that, there was that time she touched herself before school too – make that 7 times, thinking about Sterling Wesley this week.

“Mmmmm,” April muffled her moan into her pillow. It was about to be 8 times. Her finger caressing her clit faster and faster. She’d never been so….insatiable. But every time she closed her eyes she saw her. Sterling.

This was definitely a problem.

* * *

_My tongue is sealed within my mouth_

_These certain words, they can’t come out._

_The second song on the playlist was “Soaked” by BENEE. And honestly, it was such an appropriate song that encapsulated everything she felt in the past two weeks._

She felt like she was drowning. If anyone else would have seen April Stevens right now they would have guessed she was rapidly losing her breath after cranking her new Peloton Tread+ to 10 speed. Maybe picking up new healthier habits would help. And yet even now she could not escape the agony in her chest.

_Sterling. Sterling. Sterling. Sterling. Sterling. Sterling. Sterling. Sterling. Sterling. Sterling._

_These thoughts are walking on their own_

_Dancing around with no control_

She had only ever experienced this several times. There was Adele in the 2nd grade. Betty in the 4th grade. Oh there was also that one time in 7th grade where she obsessed over her tutor. Francine was a junior in HS and April had gone absolutely wild for her.

Growing up her parents figured she was simply an intense girl. Being an only child had its negatives. It probably made her crave attention, made her more competitive. But when it clicked for April that she only liked girls, she also realized that she needed to tone it down. She had to stop moping around when her crushes moved away or got boyfriends or just….sent her away.

She’ll admit Sterling was her Adele in 5th grade. And that one had hurt like a mothertrucker. April was not wrong when she’d told Sterling she had blocked out their friendship. April had cried every night that week. She cried a little bit more a few months later when Sterling won Middle School’s Most Popular over her by three votes. Her parents might have thought she had cried because Sterling had won over her, but oh no. April was not crying because of that. She was crying because she had witnessed Luke ask Sterling out and them kissing on her walk out of school.

_I know what I did to you was wrong_

_Hence why I've kept it for this long_

Sterling was so nice. So beautiful. So brilliant. Better at so many things than her. Her stomach did flips. Acted as a cage for savage butterflies. Her heart skipped so many beats in the presence of Sterling Wesley. But her eyes saw red too. When April would witness Sterling walking down the halls at school with Luke in tow. She repressed it so much throughout the years that it became easier to be mean. Being cruel was the best front. It made her classmates and those around her think that she could _never_ be associated with Sterling Wesley. But it also worked to force her heart to believe that it could be reigned in.

_Secrets have been brewing up a storm_

_Did not expect it to transform_

April cranks the Tread+ faster. Running was relieving. Or maybe she was just very used to running. Running out of fear. Being a bitch was a form of running but recently she feared she would run herself out of her own truth. She had never acted on her truth but now…now she had had the opportunity. She had lived in the moment.

_Soaked up in my brain_

_For another day_

And oh, what a moment though. April cranked the Tread+ a few more notches. She was sweating buckets now. The faster she ran maybe the more she’d forget. It’d work before…so why was it not working now.

Now all she could think about was her. Sterling’s smile. Her piercing blue eyes. How April could look up at Sterling adoringly. How they just fit together. The feel of her hand in hers. The smoothness of her skin. Their heated kisses. The sound of Sterling’s whimpers and moans-

“WHAM!”

It’s all in slow motion but she realizes when she’s in the air that she most likely lost her footing. She ends up like a rag doll against her drawers. It was at this moment that April Stevens knew -

“April…sweetheart, are you okay?” April sighs and stands up. “Yes mom, everything is fine.”

_-_ she fucked up.

* * *

_These things I'm tryna say get drenched and swept away that's the truth_

_Soaked up in my brain, Don't know what to say_

_Something about you ~~boy~~ girl you soak up half my brain, yes you do_

Later that night as she laid in bed, April cried. She cried for herself. For not being brave enough to love full heartedly like Sterling had loved her. Now she was haunted by the kisses she should have never given.

At the lock-in, April was determined to break Sterling’s heart and revert herself to become the suppressed, perfect, Christian girl. What Sterling asked of her was too much. It was too hard. When her father came back into the picture, April was the resolute into being the antagonist of this story and not hold Sterling back from her recent discovery. It was a fait accompli.

_You look at me like I hit you,_

_Stole all your things then left you bruised,_

A week had passed since April first made the playlist and shared it with Sterling. She played Slow Burn for her first but “Soaked” was now on constant repeat. The drowning, overwhelming feeling of Sterling. Everywhere. All the time. It’s like she had her under her skin. April’s brain (and other place in her body) was inexplicably, constantly soaked…

From her peripheral vision she could see Sterling receive notifications on her phone when she’d hit play, but normally Sterling would huff or roll her eyes and put her phone back in her pocket. The ball was in Sterling’s court. April thought by now she would have blocked her or added a song. ‘Fuck U’ by CeeLo Green would have done nicely.

_Look what I've got myself into,_

_My words are stuck, my body too,_

If the song was not working. Then she’d have to devise a plan. Unfortunately it wouldn’t be as easy as just walking up to Sterling. Blair was next to her like a Doberman ready to strike. And Luke, Luke kept following Sterling around. What was that about?

What did her mental dossier on Sterling say her class schedule was? She had not been in fellowship the past two weeks and she probably would keep that up because April was there. Blair had lacrosse…..BLAIR HAD LACROSSE TODAY!

“You know your face really is giving me Clueless Cher – Fountain realization scene vibes right now,” whispered Ezekiel against her ear.

“Shut up.”

* * *

_I know what I did to you was wrong (know what I did to you was wrong)_

_Hence why I've kept it for this long (so long, so long)_

April cornered her in the library. She had followed her from her last class and had weaved throughout the library shelves. The element of surprise was on her side…

Until Sterling turned around.

“What do you want?” she angry whispered.

All April could do was gasp and try to concentrate. Having Sterling this close again …. What was she here for again?

Sterling crossed her arms around her chest. “What is it April? You know if Blair sees you near me she is going to beat you up.” Her expression bore a deeply rooted apathy, resentment and sadness. Her makeup was done but now looking closely her eyes looked spent. Like she had shed so many tears.

Finally April’s thoughts settled, “I uh…I need to…talk to you.”

The other girl grabbed her chin, pondering. “You, must be thinking of someone else,” she muttered glaringly.

Ooooff. April gulped loudly. “Please. Please Sterling. Five minutes that’s all. That is all I ask, I promise.”

_Secrets have been brewing up a storm (a storm)_

_Did not expect it to transform_

* * *

Soon they were settled in one of the prayer rooms that existed. Willingham encouraged students who were going thru trials and tribulations to settle in prayer before seeking any faculty for counseling. Sterling followed in first and then April. She locked the door and turned around. Surely, this was harder than Adam & Eve facing God after they had sinned. Sterling stared straight through her, crossing her arms again. She blinked for April to go ahead.

“I, for once, don’t know where to start,” she looked down ashamedly.

Sterling continued to stare.

“You know at the lock-in, I just thought that I could go back to normal. I’ve always done that. Even if I crush hard, I’ve been able to suppress it. I thought I could flirt with Luke and forget. Or that I could just join more extracurricular activities and just move on. Just hold on that someday….but I can’t.”

Sterling let out a shuddered sigh. Tears prickled on the corners of her eyes. April didn’t dare move from her corner in the room.

_Soaked up in my brain_

_Don't know what to say_

_Something about you ~~boy~~ girl you soak up half my brain, yes you do _

Having now gained momentum, April continues shakily. “Believe me Sterling. I have done everything humanly possible to forget about you. To forget what it feels like to hold your hands. To forget what it feels like to have your lips against mine. To forget how you smell or the weight of your body over mine –“

“-So what, April?,” the blonde girl interrupts. “You get to change your mind again. Because that’s allowed, right? You can just change your mind as many times as you want! And who cares if you break my heart into a million tiny pieces again and again.”

_I know what I did to you was wrong (know what I did to you was wrong)_

_Hence why I've kept it for this long (so long, so long)_

April closes her eyes. Of course Sterling’s upset. She has every right to be. “Sterl…I know. Okay, I know what I did to you was wrong, okay. I know I messed up. I swear to you that I hurt myself too. I wanted us to sleep side by side at the lock-in. I wanted us to hold hands. I wanted you to be the last thing I saw that night and the first when my eyes opened in the morning. When you leaned in to kiss me outside of the lock-in, I wanted to! So badly Sterl” Soon April’s legs found the strength to move closer.

They were both crying softly now. “I still can’t come out. I can’t.”

Sterling shook her head, sobbing. “So why are we having this conversation April?”

_Secrets have been brewing up a storm (a storm)_

_Did not expect it to transform (transform)_

“Because I need you. I need you in my life. Please Sterling. Please forgive me. I can’t…I can’t stop thinking about you. You know I tried doing my Biblical narrative study on Abigail last week and I just…kept writing your name!” April was now standing in front of Sterling.

_Soaked up in my brain_

_For another day_

Delirium set in. Being this close was dizzying. Sterling’s breathing labored and her head bowed a bit. This was it. April was going to seal the deal. She leaned in, but then Sterling turned her head.

Crap.

“What are you proposing April?” she murmured. “If you don’t want us to be out. What do you want from me?”

Star Wars Episode II. A secret. Because that went so well for them. April winced. “I know this is not what you deserve. But I really can’t be out Sterling, please understand. I want us to be together…in secret.”

April grabbed both her hands. “I promise you. That as soon as High School is over, this secret ends. We can be out and happy together.” She let go of her right hand to place it on Sterling’s cheek. “I’m sorry. Please take me back.”

Sterling’s sparkling pools of blue had softened yet they blinked. It’s like their whole world paused together. April’s heart begged God at that moment that His will be in her favor.

_These things I'm tryna say get drenched and swept away that's the truth_

_Something about you ~~boy~~ girl you soak up half my brain, yes you do_

“I have to think about it,” she murmured. Sterling stepped back and turned towards the door. Her fingers unlocked it slowly. April ran a hand through her hair, and put a hand over her mouth if only to not let out her caged up sobs.

Sterling looked back one final time before letting herself out.

_I KnOw WhAt I dId To yOu WaS wRoNg (kNoW wHaT I DiD tO yoU wAs WrOnG)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trust...  
> When we get Season 2 cue Drake, 
> 
> "Look around, look around you, look at this. We created this. This didn’t exist before we were here. Look around [on AO3, on Tumblr, on Twitter, on Insta, I promise you right now we did this. Doesn’t matter what anybody says — they could say it’s disrespectful, they could say it’s this and that and that. Everybody is within the rules, everybody’s doing their thing. All we are is proud and passionate.”


	3. illicit affairs by Taylor Swift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Proverbs 14:25 “A truthful witness saves lives, but one who breathes out lies is deceitful.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm like Sonic gaining momentum.

_Make sure nobody sees you leave_

_Hood over your head, keep your eyes down_

Sterling hates lying. She finds she is not particularly good at it. Hadn’t she already explained this to Blair when she first got fellowship leader? Which is why when presented with the opportunity to tell the truth, she does. Even owning up to the consequences and taking ownership is a better route than living with that lie sit on the mouth of her stomach.

Maybe it was because in 3rd grade Mrs. Botelli made them do a presentation on the 10 commandments and Sterling got Commandment #9 _Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor._ When she got home she had her parents explain to her that #9 in lame terms meant _Do Not Lie._ So on her poster board she wrote all the times her parents and Blair lied to her and all the times her classmates lied to her and all the times she had lied to the parties aforementioned (her list was the shortest, btw). The day she presented she made the whole class reconcile with the Lord and had them all hugging each other in some big Kumbaya circle. Because the worse thing about lying was that not only did we leave God down but we leave our friends and families down too. She swears remembering April hugging her the hardest.

Sterling knows now that April hates lies too. The longer you hold the lie the worse the consequences seem. Like how lying about beating up prostitutes could irreparably damage the trust that exists in a family and bring so much shame. Or, how lying could destroy your identity, because suddenly you aren’t your mother’s daughter, or your father’s daughter, or your sister’s sister. How was the truth drastically far worse than this?

Proverbs 14:25 “A truthful witness saves lives, but one who breathes out lies is deceitful.” It was there, in plain language. So why was it that the adults in their lives think it was okay to do so? Why did April want to live a lie?

_Tell your friends you’re out for a run_

_You’ll be flushed when you return_

_Take the road less traveled by_

At least not Blair now. And that was a relief in itself. Because she could lie poorly to anyone but not to her. Never again to her. But now Luke…fuck, poor Luke. She’d strung him along again. While she had kissed him to ground herself to reality, she also had kissed him because she would rather he kiss her than kiss April ever again. Never again her.

But she couldn’t tell him, right? She’d have to make another lie up, and if Luke went trying to bark up April’s tree then April would have to make one too.

And that’s the thing about….this. It’s never going to be one big lie. It will be a lie on a lie on a lie. Sterling would probably have to carry around her Dior perfume because she couldn’t have people get a whiff of April’s Tory Burch scent.

And they’d have to sneak around Willingham, literally in the closets. No afternoons, no weekends. They’d have to delete their texts every night in fear their parents would see. It would be stolen glances at church and at lunch time.

_Tell yourself you can always stop_

_What started in beautiful rooms_

_Ends with meetings in parking lots_

Sterling runs through all the implications in her head but she would be lying to herself if she didn’t confront her biggest fear.

How does God protect us from lies? He establishes witnesses. Deuteronomy 19:15 “A single witness shall not suffice against a person for any crime or for any wrong in connection with any offense that he has committed. Only on the evidence of two witnesses or of three witnesses shall a charge be established.”

Who would protect her from April Stevens? Who would protect her, Sterling Wesley, from the possibility of having her heart crushed all over again by April, if no one would bear witness to their love?

At least when she and Luke had broken up, the whole school was a witness, and everyone was able to pick him up from his heartbreak. His bandmates, Horny Lorna, even April. But who would pick her up? April could simply walk away, like she already had. What if one day April fell out of like (love?) with her? She could just go back to her life and expect Sterling to do so too and who would be their witness? Sterling wouldn’t even have the power to say, “Look she hurt me.” Not to her parents, not to Luke, not to anyone.

* * *

_And that's the thing about illicit affairs_

_And clandestine meetings and longing stares_

_It's born from just one single glance_

_But it dies and it dies and it dies_

_A million little times_

They meet on the bench where Mr. Koontz died. Sterling is early trying to untangle the words in her brain that are just floating by.

“Hi,” April murmurs. Sterling turns to take her all in. April’s wearing her red Willingham polo. Her hair is wavy, frizzy - like she showered today but didn’t have time to curl or straighten it. It’s exactly how Sterling likes it best.

“Hi,” Sterling smiles back. She pulls back some stray hair from her face and shifts slightly so her body is aimed to April’s.

April’s eyes are full of nervous chaos. “Have you come to a conclusion?” Her voice betrays her. It’s shaky.

Sterling nods her head. “There’s some things I need for you to know first. If we want to start anything we have to have a clean slate. I can’t lie to you….And you have to decide if you still want to do this even after everything I tell you.”

The other girl looks at her curiously.

“Me and Blair are…bounty hunters.” April’s jaw unhinges.

“What?”

Sterling gulps loudly for this next truth bomb. “Your father was our first skip.”

April just stared. Sterling continued, “We found him in the Men’s Parlor in the country club where he lied and said that he’d covered for his business partner. I convinced Blair to not bring him in. But then…”

April gripped her book bag strap, inhaling sharply.

“There was this video. Of him beating the woman. Being dragged out of the motel room by the cops. And then we found him at your retreat place and I clocked him with my Glock-“

“Did you do it to spite me?” April interrupts.

That’s a hard question to answer. “At first….yeah. You were hanging the condom wrapper over me. I was just so tired of you holding everything against me.” Sterling’s hands plop on her lap. “But then I saw the video and I, honest to God, April. I was scared for you. He called us cunts. He’s not…he’s not a good father…for you.”

_And that's the thing about illicit affairs_

_And clandestine meetings and stolen stares_

_They show their truth one single time_

_But they lie and they lie and they lie_

_A million little times_

April stared down. And Sterling continues. She tells April about the kidnapping. How her parents aren’t her parents. She tells April how she kissed Luke after she left her on the bench. She untangles the web of lies her life held. To make room for more.

Sterling looks at April nervously. It’s a lot of heavy stuff. “I know this is a lot. It’s hurtful. I’m sorry April. But I just can’t move forward if I didn’t tell you the whole truth. And I understand if you don’t want to-“ April moves her hand over Sterling’s. The blonde girl finds April staring at her softly.

“My proposition still stands.”

_And you wanna scream_

_Don't call me "kid," don't call me "baby"_

_Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me_

_You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else_

Sterling lets out a nervous laugh. “I think part of me figured that would happen.” April lets out a small smile.

“April, I just need you to know how fuckin scared I am. I’ve given you all my truths and I know you won’t hang them over me. But I don’t have anything to my name that will protect my heart.” Tears streamed down Sterling’s face. “I have all this want….this need, for you. You have to know you have all this power over me. And I’m scared.”

_Don't call me "kid," don't call me "baby"_

_Look at this idiotic fool that you made me_

_You taught me a secret language I can't speak with anyone else_

April squeezed her hand. Sterling looked at her again. “I am scared too.”

Sterling pulls out her phone and opens the playlist. She motions for April to look at her phone. Sterling adds “Illicit Affairs” by Taylor Swift. They sit there and listen. The sun is setting. April smiles at her. Not just any smile, but beaming.

“No more teen angst?” Sterling asks quietly. The other girl shakes her head chuckling softly. “No more angst.”

_And you know damn well_

_For you, I would ruin myself_

_A million little times_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #RenewTBH  
> #NoMoreTeenAngst


	4. Hit Different by SZA (feat. Ty Dolla $ign)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So really April figures it’s not hard to keep the spark alive. The motto is simple, always keep your girl on her toes and she’ll never get bored.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I moving too fast? Ya'll tell me if I'm moving too fast. But also like F-it because the ideas and inspiration are just rolling through me like a waterfall. Right now I have planned 10 chapters and then who knows after that. 
> 
> Also, this chapter is rated XXX. I've never written such, I've had the ideas but never typed it up. So if there's legit feedback, let me know.

_Hit different, hit different_

_Hit different, hit different_

_Hit different, hit different_

There’s a lot of things that people don’t know about April Stevens. For example, they don’t know that in 1st grade her dad put her in Karate classes.

“So you can kick anyone who’s buggin you’s ass!”

In 3rd grade though, her Karate Sensei moves and her parents take her out of karate for this reason, not because she has already broken two boys noses. It’s whatever. April’s not too mad at it until she sees a new dojo that teaches Tai Chi and she’s mystified by how the students move.

“Like water,” the Tai Chi instructor says and she’s sold. She’s been practicing ever since. It helps...to hold in all the pent up lesbian rage she’d love to smack boys with. Lately it’s been helping her with other pent up emotions as well.

Having a secret girlfriend....is hard(?). Can she even say that it’s hard? April wouldn’t even begin to know because she’s never had one. But it’s different for sure.

It’s different because Sterling likes both parties. April hadn’t really thought about that after two weeks of just being in this surreal honeymoon bliss with her. That is until she catches guys coming up to talk to her girlfriend.

_Hit different when I'm sittin' here_

_Alone, all by myself_

_Hit different when I think you might be_

_With somebody else_

Word spread fast when Sterling gently broke off whatever she was having with Luke. Luke took it much better this time, and Sterling just smiled at her across the hall after. But now this was probably the 5th guy that was talking to her and truthfully she was annoyed (scared, jealous).

So April figures it’s fine. She never backs away from a challenge. And having a lowkey relationship is one heck of a challenge especially if she has to keep up with the guys and the girls. Besides it’s not like she already had an ongoing list of the things Sterling likes since, like 5th grade.

Sterling’s favorite color schemes surprisingly involve fall hues. She’s super big on fonts having backgrounds (and so it’s April that recommends that she work on Mr Koontz memorial flyers on Adobe.) She loves Italian deserts like Tiramisu and Oreo Cookies n Cream Gelato, even though recently April introduced her to cannolis. Her favorite Bible verse is “Jesus wept.”

“Because it totally humanizes our Lord and Savior, plus its short.”

There’s also newer things April is learning about her girl. Sterling likes a lot of Fenty. She only lightly dabs $weetmouth Gloss Bomb before they make out. She also gasps a whole lot more than moans when April’s hand is under her panties.

So really April figures it’s not hard to keep the spark alive. The motto is simple, always keep your girl on her toes and she’ll never get bored. April knows Sterling likes the lovey dovey stuff too. The kissing over the phone and wanting to hold hands was proof of that. So she needed to make up for the lack of that in their relationship.

_All that I know is_

_Mirrors inside me_

_They recognize you_

_Please, don't deny me_

* * *

But first she needed some cover. “Ezekiel, Hannah B, I have an announcement.”

Both her lackeys picked at their lunch while waiting at her words. “Sterling Wesley is my friend now.”Ezekiel’s left eyebrow shot up. Hannah B shrugged.

“I just wanted to say that, because....uh I want us to back off, and focus our....energy on other...things,” explained the brunette.

Ezekiel rolled his eyes and picked at his hairline. “Okay.”

Were they buying it? “Unless she becomes a spineless little bitch again!” Yeah they’ll buy it now.

The other two looked at each other surprised. “Girl you do you,” murmured a Hannah B.

* * *

And so it begins. Sterling discovers a bouquet of daisies in her locker the next day and she asks Blair to weave them into her plaits. April makes sure not to ruin them when they are making out later.

The next week it’s chicken biscuits.

Her favorite Starbucks drink the next.

Gets her a star named after her.

It’s great, April thinks. Because Sterling shows her appreciation time and time again. And even then April showers her with love. She kisses her tenderly and softly. Holds her so softly, like Sterling were pure porcelain in her hands.

Except.... it’s hard to keep up with herself. April pulls out all the stops but she knows eventually she’ll run out of ideas. This isn’t supposed to happen when people are in love, right?

_I was into you from the beginning even if you wasn't mine_

_Scared to admit my shortcomings led to overdraft in this affair, declining_

_Quicker than we started, evidence we misaligned_

And then shit really turns south when she catches Sterling staring at some cheerleaders.

They started having lunch once a week together and it’s on the lawn. And as she eats her sandwich, April turns to find her absolutely ogling.

Sterling turns to her, her Clubmasters slid a bit down on the bridge of her nose. “You know I went to a strip club a few months ago. There was a skip there. It was fun.”

April rolls her eyes, “Oh was it?”

Sterling leans into her and whispers, “Yeah all the women had their titties out. It was like “Woah” but I didn’t even know me like that back then, but yeah.” She sits back and smirks.

“So that made it acceptable for you to just stare at cheerleaders now?” April’s fuming now.

“There ain’t no shame in the game. I mean they’re literally right there and we can totally look up their skirts. Ashley A’s panties are so cute.”

What-the-fuck?April stands up.

“Where you going babe?” Sterling looks up at her lazily.

“I’ll see you later Sterling.”

April grabs at her hair a little bit harder when their making out later.

But it doesn’t end there.

In Spanish class, April turns around to practice with Sterling, like they always do.

“Oh perdón Abril, voy a trabajar con Carlos (Sorry April, I’m working with Carlos),” she says while pointing at Luke.

Goofy-ass Luke responds back, “Hola Abril.”

*What-the fuuuuckkk?*

Maybe this is Sterling retaliating back for what she made her do at the lock-in, but no because they had talked it out and forgiven each other and just no...

What was going on?

_Man, I get more in love (More in love) with you each argument_

_Somethin' wrong with me, I like the way you screw your face up_

_Trigger me right when I need it_

_You wrong, but I can't get along without you_

_It's a shame and I can't blame myself, keep on lovin' you_

* * *

“Beloved, today we are going to be talking about Romans 8,” she can see Sterling staring at her intensely. Blair was sitting next to her picking at the dirt on her Docs.

April carried on, giving her various points on the differences between living in the flesh and in the Spirit. But suddenly she hears muffled giggling.

She looks up to find Sterling and Blair all curled up barely holding it together. “Pffftt..’condomnation’”

“I said condemnation Sterling and Blair, condemnation.” And now they really can’t stop laughing and a few others are laughing too.

April starts seeing red. She huffs, continuing. “Anyways, if we are not mindful of our penal offenses-“

Sterling bursts “PENAL!” And now everyone is laughing with Sterling. April crosses her hands across her chest. She grabs at her elbows considering she can’t grab at anything else right now to chuck at Sterling.

_She’s gonna pay. She’s gonna pay. She’s gonna pay._

* * *

_And it hit different, hit different_

_Hit different, hit different_

_Hit different, hit different_

_Hit different, this shit_

No one makes a fool out of her. And as soon as fellowship is over, the first thing she does is grab her girlfriend by her upper arm into their closet. And lock the door behind her.

When she turns around she finds Sterling leaning against the washing machine there, looking at her manicure and...smirking.

She even has the audacity to...smirk! Oh she’s gonna pay. April grabs her right arm forcefully and soon her mouth is over the blonde girl’s too.

All she can see is red. Tai chi be dammed right now. The best way to relieve her anger was going to be by making the girl in front of her come so hard and all over her hand. Fuck Sterling the way she had been fucking with her the past few weeks.

Soon she’s pulling Sterling’s khakis and panties down. Her mouth is latched to Sterling’s neck. If she bites harder, she doesn’t notice (or care). Her left hand has Sterling’s arm held down, squeezing harder and harder. And her right hand....well her right hand just reached her destination and it’s so...wet?

Sterling is gasping as April caresses her outer folds softly. For April, exploring another woman’s body has been an exhilaration like no other, so she usually takes her time. And although she’s pissed she doesn’t want to hurt Sterling...or disappoint her.

_I could pretend you was my main *****_

_Bet you love just how that feels_

_Out of my way, you out of pocket, need clear vision,_ _boy_ _girl_

_Can't trust decision when you near me_

_Get myself caught in your crossfire_

That is until Sterling starts giggling. Full on giggling.

April pushes two fingers inside. Sterling’s breath hitches. “What’s so funny Sterl?” April growls.

Sterling looks down at her. Eyes shot with desire. She leans down to softly hit her forehead against April’s. “Hahaha, it’s just soooo ironic that the person who preserved my condom wrapper in a baggy so as to ‘not get riddled with my herpes’ is literally three fingers deep inside me.”

April pushes in deeper and Sterling gasps in pleasure. April curls her fingers inside, caressing what she knows now is her girlfriend’s G-Spot.

Sterling continues mockingly, “Can you imagine the trauma we’d subject the fellowship students to, if they’d know of our erotic transgressions? How many grief counselors do you think it’ll take April?” Sterling keeps sniggering though her voice is husky.

Sterling moans loudly this time when April pulls out and pushes her fingers back in harder, rougher. Once inside, she commits to a steady circular, pulsing motion. She felt Sterling grab at her shoulder and start to ride her fingers. Fuck April was going to come soon too at this rate.

“Mmmm babe. Yes, April, just like that. April, I am going to come soon but I just...I just mmmmm gotta ask. Baby, if I’m fucking you will you let me be fellowship leader next year?”

_You a wild one, and I'm wading in you like it's cool water_

April’s eyes dilate. She’s in the Twilight Zone right. April can’t go any deeper but her hand is out of control and she knows tomorrow she’s going to have to have it wrapped with a bandage and Bengay because of how rough she’s fingering Sterling. April brings her thumb to stroke at Sterling’s clit to bring it home.

Sterling’s kissing and biting at her ear. “Mmmm will you babe. Pleasecan I be fellowship leader next year?”

The answer is obviously no. But she doesn’t get to respond because Sterling comes so hard that she bites down on April’s shoulder so as to not inform the whole school. Sterling whole body shudders against her. And April comes too just from all the stimulation overload except she simply squeezes her legs together to hold it in.

It takes them awhile to come back. And when April does, she finds her head cradled under Sterling’s chin. She hums contently.

“You okay April?” She whispers against her hair while she passes a handkerchief to her to wipe her hand on. April can’t even recall where Sterling pulled that out from.

“Yeah.”

Sterling’s zipping up her pants, and she moves on to April’s blazer. She brushes the fabric where she had bit down. Her eyes widened a bit, examining the torn area.

“Umm I think...I think that’s gonna stay there. Sorry,” she says and leans down to kiss April gently.

April is still trying to wrap her head around everything. “Sterl, what...what was that?”

Sterling smiles shyly. “Mmmm well actually I haven’t really told you this. It’s not a lie, right? It’s more like an omission on my end. But uh, basically I think I have discovered that....I like it rough.”

“What?”

“Yeah like you know. Pushing and grabbing hard-“

April sighs, still confused. “I know what you mean by liking it rough. I mean what as in how did you reach this conclusion?”

Sterling hesitates. “Well you see what had happened was that, you know at the debate....When you got mad because I lost to Wu? Well you see you like grabbed my forearm and squeezed really hard. And uh well, I got really turned on and uh yeah I basicallyhadmyfirstorgasmthinkingofyouhereinthiscloset.” Sterling nervously rushes through the end.

“Wait. Your first orgasm was you masturbating to me?”

Sterling’s head clocked to the side as she nodded softly. “Yes.”

Oh wow. “But you slept with Luk-“

“Yeah no.”

Oh wow.

Sterling continues to smooth her white collared shirt and blazer. “You know before you used to be all angry all the time and it was such a turn on, but lately you’ve kind of toned it down so I’ve had to rile you up to get you exactly how I want you.” She leans in to kiss her.

Oh, so that’s what that was. April smirks, “Well it definitely worked.”

“I know it did. It was really really good.” Sterling smiles back.

“Likes it rough. Noted on my mental list.” April checks off in the air.

“Did you...” Sterling whispers.

The brunette knows what her question is and she nods, still a little shocked. “I’m a tad bit surprised. I thought you were all about making love and being romanced.”

Sterling nods, “I mean I am but...listen.” She grabs at April’s shoulders and has her look into her crystal blue eyes. “You’re not Luke. You’re not anyone else right. You’re April. You’re April Stevens. I like April Stevens and all her moods. Even the snippy, biting mood. Don’t try too hard being anyone else but you. You hit different for me, you know?”

_All that I know is (All that I know is)_

_Mirrors inside me (Mirrors inside me)_

_They recognize you_

_Please, don't deny me (Please don't, baby, oh, ooh, yeah)_

April straightens. “Can you just tell me next time you want to try something new? So I don’t get caught in the crossfire of confusion and anger. You know I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I know. And yes ma’am.” Sterling pulls her phone and checks her messages.

“Oh crud Mom made Brussels sprouts. Ugh.” Sterling looks down to see April checking out her phone. “Come on shorty, let’s go.”

April rolls her eyes. Seems like she’s not going to stop doing that anytime soon.

“Shorty a lil baddie, shorty my lil boo thang. And shorty got the fatty. Shorty be catching mood swings,” Sterling sings in her worst Pop Smoke impression, while dancing and slapping April’s ass on their way out of the closet.

* * *

There’s a lot of things people don’t know about April Stevens. Like for example, how much she loves R&B. So when SZA drops the new track she adds it to the playlist because it’s so...sensual and appropo when you consider some of the lyrics. It's also, like, the perfect music to practice Tai Chi with.

It just hits different you know.

_Hit different, hit different (Oh, na-na-na, na-na-na, oh)_

_Hit different, hit different (Mmm)_

_Hit different (Oh), this shit_

_Oh woah (Woah, woah, woah), yeah (Oh, yeah)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy. Give Kudos and/or comment. 
> 
> #renewTBH  
> #shortybecatchinmoodswings  
> #iddieforbabyyoda


	5. Sofia by Clairo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sterling adds ‘Sofia’ by Clairo. Really Clairo’s whole album ‘Immunity’ has numerous songs that portray what she feels about April but she won’t saturate the playlist with only one artist.
> 
> Sterling has both her and April listening to it. Maybe if they listen to it so many times, things will start to manifest themselves. The blonde knows that her sister is supportive, and if her sister is supportive, she’s almost positive her parents will be too. And Luke will understand and if Luke understands then she’s positive others will too. Ellen most likely will cheer for them when she knows the truth. There is so much support that April just doesn’t see. But they have to try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are literally two albums that I truly believe encompass Stepril feels in its entirety. One of them is Golden Hour but y'all already know I love me my Kacey, but the other is Clairo's Immunity. I can't even begin to explain to you the impact of that album. Clairo belongs somewhere in Season 2.
> 
> CW: homophobia

_I think we could do it if we tried_

_If only to say, you're mine_

Sterling wishes they could be out. She wishes the Bible didn’t say all that it said. She wishes her and April would have been born in Los Angeles or something, where people are proudly out without judgement.

But she can’t. The Bible says what it says and the Church has interpreted it against her favor. Her and April don’t live in LA. They live in Georgia. And they will get judged the minute they are out.

Sterling doesn’t care for this last part. She does not live for the pleasure of others. Instead the blonde lives for the experience.

Sterling and Luke had painted the town red when they were boyfriend and girlfriend. It wasn’t a matter of showing off or demonstrating excessive PDA for the heck of it. Sterling truly liked the feeling of making Luke smile and feel good because he always treated her like a princess in front of others. Even now when she’d pushed him away she prayed every night that Luke find a good girl to be his wife. He deserved it.

And now she wanted the whole world to know how much she absolutely loved April Stevens. Sterling finally understood what Luke was doing being all weird during Mr Koontz memorial. Except she was down for much more than write a song for April.Sterling wanted to hold hands with her throughout the halls. She wanted to drive around town with her and make out at a movie theater. She wants to show her off. She wants the whole school, town, and county to know that April was hers. Her girlfriend, her lover, her person.

Who said following your heart was ever going to be easy? It isn’t and often enough won’t ever be.

_Sofia, know that you and I_

_Shouldn't feel like a crime_

Which is why when Sterling sees an opportunity she takes it. This particular opportunity involves the church’s couples’ retreat. A retreat that Stevens and Wesleys will attend on Memorial Day Weekend.

“That’s 3 days,” April whispers back to her excitedly as she nods.

Blair huffs annoyingly, “So much for peace and quiet.”

“Now don’t get all fussy Blair. I still have to come up with a plan to tell my father before he goes.” April glanced to the left where she saw Hannah B and Ezekiel waiting for her to walk to class together.

Sterling almost leaned in to kiss her goodbye. But she caught herself, like she always does. “Text me later.”

The brunette smiled, her blue-green eyes twinkling with mirth. “When have I not? Bye.” She turned sharply, her perfectly coiffed curls bouncing with her step.

Next to her Blair rolled her eyes. “You know at least she’s toned down a bit. Must be all that BCE you exude.”

Sterling looked at her sister confused. “Before Common Era? Blair, we only believe in Before and After Christ.”

“No! No, Dummy.” Blair leans in to whisper. “ _Big Clit Energy._ You know, like Big Dick Energy but not because screw the patriarchy.”

Oh...

Sterling smirks.

* * *

_I think we could do it if we tried_

_If only to say, you're mine_

_Sofia, know that you and I_

_Shouldn't feel like a crime_

Sterling adds ‘Sofia’ by Clairo. Really Clairo’s whole album ‘Immunity’ has numerous songs that portray what she feels about April but she won’t saturate the playlist with only one artist.

Sterling has both her and April listening to it. Maybe if they listen to it so many times, things will start to manifest themselves. The blonde knows that her sister is supportive, and if her sister is supportive, she’s almost positive her parents will be too. And Luke will understand and if Luke understands then she’s positive others will too. Ellen most likely will cheer for them when she knows the truth. There is so much support that April just doesn’t see. But they have to try.

April has Sterling over at her place that Friday afternoon from school. Their parents are long gone and won’t be back from the retreat in Chattanooga till Monday night. Saturday and Sunday will be spent at Sterling’s and she’ll drive April back on Monday.

They’ve bought enough candy for a whole week and after killing a whole bag of skittles, all Sterling wants to do is dance.

They are both in their pajamas. Sterling in matching navy blue silk. April in some cactus print ones. She blasts Sofia on the portable speaker and picks herself up from the bed. She grabs April's brush from her nightstand. Her favorite part is coming up.

_“You know I’ll doooo anything you ask me too,”_ she sings into the brush. April sits on her bed giggling. Sterling always manages to make her laugh. She crawls on to the bed dramatically leaving the brush behind. “ _But ohhhh myyy godddd I think I’m in love with you._ ” The blonde finishes the verse with a peck on April’s lips.

“Anything?” April asks a bit breathlessly.

“Anything.” Sterling confirms. “You don’t believe me?”

“Will you go to a Star Wars convention with me?” April looks at her curiously.

Sterling giggles, “Yes. But seriously out of all the things you could ask for, you choose that.”

The brunette frowns, “Like what?”

“Oh I don’t know,” Sterling wiggles her eyebrows, “like touch you.”

“Pfft I know you’d do that. You do that all the time.”

Sterling sits up in mock disgust. April’s not wrong though. “Yeah yeah I’ll go to your nerd convention.”

April gives a little clap and smiles. Gosh she loves her smile. And her hair has been looking so silky lately. Soon her hand is tangled in said hair pushing her lover’s lips toward her.

* * *

They spend the weekend in utter bliss. It almost feels like a honeymoon when all they’ve done is have sex and have fun. On Saturday they drive around town in the hunting truck singing at the top of their lungs.

_“Standing here alone now, think that we can drive around_

_I just wanna say how I love you with your hair down!”_

Late in the afternoon they reach Stone Mtn to see the sunset. The two finish arranging the back of the truck with blankets and pillows. They hold hands as the sun sets.

Soon the stars are sparkling but they don’t seem to sparkle like their own eyes do when they glance at each other. Sterling slowly snakes her hand over April’s toned stomach. She smiles into the kiss that lands softly on the brunette’s lips. Sterling swears she sees fireworks every time they touch and nukes when they kiss.

She knows how to kiss but she doesn’t know how April learned to use her tongue like that. Sterling lifts up and gasps for air. She closes her eyes so April doesn’t see her lose control and roll her eyes back. Below her she hears soft panting as well. Sterling is about to go back in when suddenly she’s pushed back and she plops to the left of April like a turtle on its shell.

April points to the sky, “Sterl, shooting star, make a wish.”

Above them a soft streak of light appears and Sterling closes her eyes and makes her wish.

“I wish we could be out.” Oh crud, did she just say that out loud. Sterling opens her eyes and turns to April. April gapes back at her, her eyes glistening faster and faster.

“April....” she turns her body to hug said girl, but April has her hands over her eyes and softly sniffles.

“I can’t give you that...” the shorter girl murmurs. Sterling sighs into her hair.

“I’m sorry. You know I....didn’t mean to voice that out loud....” Ugh that wasn’t even the best thing to say and Sterling knows it but she prays to God that he put the right words in her mouth because she’s blubbering like Moses.

She grabs April’s hands off her face and she can see the streak of tears that had fallen. She leans down to kiss the glistening trail. “April, I know we can’t be out.....okay, I know that, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to put pressure on you. I never want to make you feel like you are not enough for me because you are more than enough. Gosh, I can’t even begin to express everything you mean to me. I accepted the proposition because I couldn’t fathom doing life without you. It was already miserable having you away for that week and I can’t not be with you.”

April’s tears stopped and she looked up at her adoringly. Sterling looked up to the sky and sighed. “I just wish I could go up to Stone Mtn and just profess my love for you to the world. I want them to know that I am yours and you are mine. And in my heart I hope that there is a group of supportive people for us.”

Blue-green eyes stare straight into her soul, scared and anxious. She feels guilty now for having brought this up. Sterling leans down to place a gentle kiss on her forehead and then on her lips. “But I’ll wait an eternity for you if I have to.”

April gulps loudly and whispers, “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven; a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to love...Ecclesiastes 3”

Their tension dissipates.

* * *

_Baby, you don't got to fight, I'll be here til the end of time_

_Wishing that you were mine, pull you in, it's alright_

Eventually their “honeymoon” comes to an end and Sterling sits annoyed at the dinner table as her parents yap away.“So what did y’all learn this time around?” she says simply and then stuffs some mashed potatoes in her mouth. The question will help reel in the conversation.

Her parents hold hands. “Well girls this years topic was a good one. It was on the sanctity of marriage.” Her dad looks at them pointedly, like he’d just shared some Harvard level knowledge on them. “The sanctity of marriage the ‘God-appointed and legitimate union of man and woman.’ And Pastor shared with us how this is being attacked by the liberal agenda and how it is our duty as your parents to teach you and guide you until you both find the Godly men who will marry you.”

Sterling feels like her ears have popped. Beside her, Blair sets down her fork rather loudly and she doesn’t dare turn to look at Blair in case her face betrays her. Sterling can’t believe what she’s hearing.

“So you’re saying we should invalidate the experiences of the LGBTQ+ community,” Blair speaks up angrily.

Their mother looks at the girl condescendingly. “No Blair, homosexuals can have their reasons and we can....allow them to live however they want but...their lifestyle choices are wrong and truthfully we just shouldn’t support them.”

Sterling wished the ground would open up and swallow her. If hell was where she was meant to be, why not start right now. This somehow feels worse than when she found out she was adopted. She can hear in the background Blair continue arguing but suddenly her phone buzzes

**Now**

**4thMonth💚** :

_Did your parents get back already? Have you talked to them?_

Sterling turns to her sister. “Blair stop arguing with Mom and Dad please.” She ignores the bewildered look Blair gives her. Turning back to her parents she smiles, “Sounds like you two gotta a lot of praying to do for the both of us then.” Her parents smile back.

_(slowed+reverb)_

_hOnEy, I dOn’T wAnT iT tO fAdE_

_ThErE’s ThInGs ThAt I kNoW cOuLd GeT iN tHe WaY_

* * *

A week passes and Sterling still can’t process her parents bigoted responses from the couples’ retreat. April shares with her everything her father came back saying with even more ‘colorful’ language. She holds April in the closet when she starts crying as she explains how her father kept using those horrible deragatory terms.

It doesn’t matter though. Parents are parents. They are just another generation who are easily indoctrinated and made to believe what they believe. Once April and her go to college and leave this hole, she’s sure there will be plenty of people who will support.

Like Luke, who happens to walk her out on this particular day. He’s yapping off excitedly of his last golf game and Sterling listens. It’s the least she can do.They get to her Volt and he’s still going on. Secretly she’s looking for an escape. A way to cut him off but alas there is none.

Suddenly a truck cuts through the parking lot. It’s Mr Ford, one of the groundskeepers at Willingham. He gets out of the truck quickly and grabs a rake from the car. Another man on the passenger side gets out and into the drivers seat. She’s never seen the other man before. Maybe it’s his brother.

Or so she thinks because then Mr. Ford leans in for a kiss. Hmm, who would of thought.

“Hmmph, that’s disgusting.”

Sterling feels an earthquake but she knows they don’t happen in Atlanta. _No, no, no, no, no._

She turns to Luke. He looks back at her. “What?” is all she can muster at him.

Luke scratches the back of his head insecurely. “It’s umm not right, you know. You and I both know God frowns on that. And ummm yeah society is moving at a different pace but we’re like the keepers of the Bible you know and we just have to teach them that God’s love is greater than them living in such sin.”

She nods. “Yeah..... I gotta go home and uh do some homework.” Luke smiles back and turns away.

The blonde quickly opens her phone to text her girlfriend.

***Can I FaceTime you in 10 mins?***

**...**

**Now**

**4thMonth💚:**

Yes.

Usually it takes 15 min to get to Bowser’s where Blair and Bow are waiting for her but she’s never driven more manically than now.When she finally makes it to the parking lot her hands are shaking as she puts the car in park and immediately dials April.

“Hey...” April sees her face and the tears threatening to fall. “Sterl what’s wrong? What happened?”

“I’m sorry,” she blurts out. “I’m sorry for pressuring for you to come out. I’m sorry for believing in the rest of the world more than you. I was wrong. It’s not just your parents. This whole place, this whole city, this whole state is full of bigots!”

Sterling can see that April’s headphones are plugged in but she still sees the brunette look around. Finally she says, “Sterling, it’s okay. I know. I forgive you.”

Sterling closes her eyes. It feels relieving to get it off her chest. The repulsion she feels at knowing that this “support” she thought she had was just imaginary.

“One day,” April murmurs. “One day we will be free. And I’ll be able to kiss you and hold your hand wherever we go. I believe it. Do you?”

She nods.

“Sterling Wesley, all I ever want is your love. That’s all we need.”

April’s right. That is all they will ever need.

_(slowed+reverb)_

_I DoN’t WaNt To SaY gOoDbYe_

_CuZ I tHiNk ThAt We CoUlD dO iT iF wE tRiEd_

* * *

Señora O’Reilly makes a motion with her hand for them to shut up. Spanish class has started.

“Buenos tardes estudiantes.” (Good afternoon students.)

A cacophony of poorly stated “buenas tardes” replies back.

The Spanish teacher whips out her textbook. “Bueno, hoy quiero que abramos nuestros libros a la página 27 porque hoy empezamos una nueva unidad.” (Well, today I want us to open our textbooks to page 27 because we will be starting a new unit.)

Finally. The previous unit dragged on for ages.

“Como ya saben, cada vez que tenemos una nueva unidad tenemos nuevos personajes. En la última unidad leíamos sobre Carolina y su novio Carlos. Pero hoy vamos a leer de la mejor amiga de Carolina y estudiaremos el Español casual entre amigos.” (As you know, every time we have a new unit, we also have new characters. Last unit we read about Carolina and her boyfriend Carlos. But in this new unit we will learn from the perspective of Carolina’s best friend, and we will specifically learn casual Spanish amongst friends.)

Honestly Sterling isn’t even paying attention because she can smell April’s cherry blossom lotion all the way from where she’s sitting.

Señora O’Reilly points to the page. “Observen a la nueva personaje. Así que quien quiere hacer el papel?” (Observe the new character. So who wants to play the part?)

Immediately April’s hand shoots up. The whole class sighs in relief and Sra O’Reilly is surprised. “Abril? Perfecto! Pasa adelante y introdúcenos a la amiga de Carolina.” (April? Perfect! Come to the front and introduce us to Carolina’s best friend.)

The teacher scurries behind the desk, while April walks to the front, book in hand. The shorter girl reads the description quickly and in the very drama queen fashion that only her girlfriend can nail, April gets into character.

“Hola a todos. Mi nombre es Sofía. Soy la mejor amiga de Carolina y me encanta bailar y viajar. Pero más que todo me gusta hablar en el teléfono con mi amiga.” (Hello everyone. My name is Sofia. I am Carolina’s best friend and I love to dance and travel. But what I like to do most is talk on the phone with my friend.)

Sterling looks down at her textbook.

_Sofía._

Lord forgive her for her language but.... _fuck._

_(Sofia, know that you, you, you and I)_

_(shouldn't feel like a crime)_

_(do it if we tried)_

🥴

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #renewTBH


	6. Pretty Boy by the Neighbourhood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not good, not good. 
> 
> “Bam!” 
> 
> And then another one “Bam!” The last one hits the skip but he still doesn’t limps forward.
> 
> And then Sterling sees Bowser and Blair tackle the Skip to the ground. But then she also feels a searing pain on her left thigh. She looks down and blood pools around her jeans. Another shot of pain and she crumbles to the ground. What the- when did she get shot?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where ya'll at the watch party today? So lit. Netflix needs to renew. It's not an ask.

_Even if my heart stops beating_

_You're the only thing I need, ooh, with me_

This is seriously not how she wanted to spend her Saturday.

As much as she loved catching skips with Bowser and Blair, she’d rather be on the other side of the parking lot watching her girlfriend wash cars in the Annual Willingham Fellowship fundraiser.

April had been in intense mode since last month. Running through ideas and options that would bring the highest revenue. The money would help fund a few students to go to Guatemala for missionary work over the summer and April would be damned if she didn’t make enough money to take her squad and girlfriend. #aprilhelpssickkidsthroughchrist

There were several ideas. Bowling or laser tag. A bake sale. Candy grams. Sterling had offered to talk to Bowser to see if he could open up Yogurtopia just for Willingham one night and get a percentage of the revenue. That was until Luke spoke up.

“What if we did a car wash?” He smiled proudly at his idea.

His eyes crinkled toward Sterling and he winked. Ugh no. But the fellowship room quieted down. Ezekiel shrugged. Hannah B nodded slowly. Blair picked at her nails. Then finally Sterling reached April. And the steely glint in her cerulean eyes transported her to a vision Sterling could definitely put in her wank bank.

April in short shorts and a bikini....Sterling closed her mouth, teeth grinding, just so she wouldn’t have her mouth open and drooling. Lately she had discovered that she was definitely a boobs woman, or maybe she isn’t because the only breasts she swoons for are April Stevens’s.

Hearing April’s voice brings her out of her reverie. “A car wash would require less financial investment. It’s a smart idea Luke.”

Ezekiel crosses his legs as he points out, “Also all of the students here have cars and are rich. We can have a car show after.”

True. As Christian as they fared to all be, who would say no to a gloat fest with cars.

“It’s settled then, we are throwing a car wash...” April continued rattling off orders.

_Even if the Earth starts shaking_

_You're the only thing worth taking, ooh, with me_

_Even if the sky's on fire_

_Got you here, it's alright, ooh, with me_

* * *

Sterling’s phone rings bringing her out of her memory. “Hello.”

“Sterling where are you?” She can hear music blasting in the background and other people cheering.

But noooo, instead she’s in Bowser’s musty car behind the Ross. “Me and Blair had to come catch a skip with Bowser.”

April sighs on the line. “Okay.” She’s sooo understanding. Sterling can tell how much April hates that she still goes bounty hunting.

“I’m actually closer than you think. I’ll be there soon babe.”

“Be safe and may the Force be with you.”

Sterling has been subjected to watch the first Star Wars movie so she knows now to respond with, “Always.”

The blonde hangs up the phone and sees through the rear view mirror Blair making kissy faces at her.

They are catching the Hash Slinging, Money Bag Snatcher. Blair actually laughs the first time Bowser tells them. “The only snatch stealing going on here is done by my dear sister.” Sterling rolled her eyes at that one. Typical Blair.

But seriously though, this seemed to be their most serious skip yet. He was a burly man, mid-40s who was going around selling marijuana and entering stores from the back as a FedEx worker only to steal money and items from the back of the house. Why would Yolanda even give these types of guys a bond?

Suddenly a rusty old FedEx truck pulls up.

Bowser looks through his side mirror where he has an angle on the skip. “This is our guy.” He turns to Blair and Sterling, “I want you Blair on the side door and I want Sterling with me. No guns right now but if he starts running well we’ll figure that shit out as it happens.”

Soon they are all in their positions. The skip, Matthew Hayes, gets off the front and walks toward the back door to pull it up. He’s grabbing his “delivery box” when Bowser calls out to him. “Matthew Hayes, you have not paid your bond and you know what that means. I’m here to pick you-“

It should be no surprise to anyone that all shit hits the fan at that moment. The skip throws the “box” in Bowser’s face. He then runs to the door to the front where Blair is and swings his feet towards her face. Sterling can’t see from the angle she’s standing but she yells, “Blair!”

When she reaches her she finds her sister had covered her head and no harm had come to her...except. “Fuck he took my gun dude.”

Oh shit. He took the gun and now he’s in the store.

Bowser is up an running through the back of the warehouse. This skip is smarter than they imagined. Running through the store means he can use innocent people as cover. He also can create chaos.

The man aims his gun to the roof of the store and lets out 3 warning shots. Suddenly, everyone inside is screaming and running out that they lose sight of the skip. “Blair let’s go up to the cashiers desk. We can have a better vantage point of this SOB.”

Soon they’ve made it to the cashiers desks and Sterling is propped with her shotgun. This store is somewhat big and not everyone has come out. Some people thought it best to just drop to the ground. This is definitely going to traumatize a lot of people. She spots Bowser on the floor who gives her a thumbs up. It’s like hunting for deer. All she needs is serene quiet. Breathe into it....there he is.

He’s hiding between the men’s clothing racks. Unfortunately for him his legs are all but exposed. Ready, Aim....Fire.

She hits his leg but this man surely must have some kind of cockroach blood in him because he scurries out of the store through the front. The three bounty hunters sigh. He’s still got the gun. Sterling and Blair run like gazelles through the store. The blonde girl is a faster runner, no lie. So she zooms past Blair. The skip is further ahead on a run/limp that seems damn well impossible.

Except Sterling realizes something. She’s in the front of the stores now. And she looks up and low and behold the car wash is to her right by the parking lot entrance. It seems a lot of the students have left after hearing the guns go off inside the store. But then she also catches sight of April. The brunette has her mouth agape, her eyes filled with fear. They are far away from each other still but Sterling hears her loud and clear. “STERLING!”

Not good, not good.

“Bam!”

And then another one “Bam!” The last one hits the skip but he still doesn’t limps forward.

And then Sterling sees Bowser and Blair tackle the Skip to the ground. But then she also feels a searing pain on her left thigh. She looks down and blood pools around her jeans. Another shot of pain and she crumbles to the ground. What the- when did she get shot?

She can faintly hear her name, “STERLING! STERLING!” But she doesn’t even know who it is anymore. Another shot of pain and she moans because now it’s getting unbearable.

Blair is suddenly in her light of sight. Her face is worried but her eyes lighten to find her sister awake. Sterling realizes they need to get their story straight. “Blair....we were in the store....owww...in the store buying stuff for the car wash....when the skip who was being chased by Bowser.....oh Jesus it hurts....came in and shot up the place....he shot me in the parking lot.” Sterling looks up and sees Bowser nodding in agreement.

He leans down to her, “I know it hurts like a bitch kid but the ambulance is on their way. You’ll be fine. Blair’s already putting pressure on it.”

She is? Sterling finds Blair pushing on where she got shot. The blonde doesn’t hear her name anymore but she knows April saw.

April was going to go berserk.

“Blair?”

“Yeah?” Her sister replies back.

Sterling moves her head toward her. Everything is getting a bit blurry. “Find April. She’s gonna blow our cover. Don’t let her, please. For her sake....more..than.......mine.”

The last thing Sterling heard at the parking lot was the faint sounds of sirens approaching.

* * *

_And if it's all over_

_I'm taking this moment, ooh, with me_

_Yeah_

Blair knew exactly what cover April was going to blow. It was not the bounty hunting stuff. It was the her and Sterling together stuff.

In the hustle and bustle, Blair saw in her peripheral vision April yelling like a madwoman and Ezekiel and Hannah B pushing her into a car.

Too overly dramatic if you ask her, but it’s April Stevens. She wore that funeral get up to Koontz funeral and didn’t even get his first name right.

Which is why then they made it to the hospital from the ambulance, Blair provides the necessary information needed for her parents to be contacted, and proceeds to wait by the entrance for April’s grand arrival. Bowser stays behind at the parking lot to speak to the police.

5 min pass and Blair is about to leave to check back up on Sterling when April bursts in. The girl’s eyes are puffy from crying and her body is shaky. She darts around almost manically until Blair stands in front of her and grabs her shoulders.

“April.”

“Blair, where is she?”

“She’s fine. She’s in surgery getting the bullet taken out.” Blair explains calmly.

“I need to see her.” The other brunette grabs Blair’s arms. “Blair I need to see her.”

“Stop! Stop, okay, calm down.”

“No Blair, I need-“

“April, stop!” She puts a finger against the girls lips. “Sterling specifically told me to calm you down so you don’t blow your cover. My parents are coming soon.”

April pushes Blair’s hand down. “I don’t care. I don’t give two fucks right now if the whole world thinks I am a lesbian. I don’t care. I need to be with Sterling.”

Blair sighs and motions her away from the lobby. Once they’re in a secluded hallway, she pauses to think carefully how best to convince this stubborn girl. “April, I know you really care for Sterling. I mean your love almost rivals mine. But you need to calm down. It’s not going to benefit either of you if my parents or your parents or anyone else finds out.” The other girl blinks back at her. April’s vein is popped out over her right temple.

“Imagine if word gets out. If they separated Luke and Sterling for having sex, what do you think will happen to you and her? They’ll probably ship Sterling to Timbuktu, and send you to conversion camp. Is that what you want?!” Blair places her hand on April’s shoulder. “Go home April. I’l text you when things die down.”

The other girl lets out a big sigh. Blair wonders if it’s out of relief or out of frustration. “Trust me, okay.” Finally Blair lets go of the other brunette’s shoulder. April nods silently and turns toward the exit.

* * *

_Baby girl, look where we made it, girl_

_Hmm, now we're falling_

The first time Sterling her eyes after the surgery it’s the doctor she sees. He’s fairly young and he makes a thumbs up motion because he knows she’ll pass out again.

The second time she opens her eyes she sees her parents hovering over her. Her mother (aunt) looks like she’s been crying, and Sterling feels bad because she didn’t like seeing her cry. The girl tried to comfort her but when she tried to move she felt pain come in waves all over her body and especially her thigh. Her father immediately gets up from the quiet corner he was sitting at and pats her hand. “Shhh shhh, now stop that baby girl or you’ll hurt yourself more.”

It doesn’t matter because she drifts off again.

The third time Sterling opens her eyes, it’s Bowser. And suddenly he’s smiling.

The burly black man stroked his beard. “Sterling! We got the skip! I almost got my ass thrown in jail but no one went was there to say otherwise and they bought our story. So we’re in the clear.”

The blonde simply smiled. She tried to say something but her mouth felt like they’d stuffed a bajillion cotton balls in her mouth.

Bowser jumped, “Oh, you need water. Here.” And he’s holding a cup of water to her lips while lifting up her bed to a slightly tilted position. Finally she’s able to take a sip. And then another one. She gasps at the third sip because the water is really cold and her mouth is finally registering feeling and taste.

“Did they get the bullet out?” Oh shit, she sounds a little bit like Aunt Dana, like some long term smoker.

“Yes they did. We are all very lucky that the Hash Slinging Snatcher has very poor aim.”

Sterling smiled again.

“I’m really sorry you got hurt. It hurts me to see you like this. I have to be better. So I’ve signed up for boot camp to lose some weight,” his hand was stroking her hair now.

She shakes her head in disagreement but eventually she starts feeling tired again.

“You rest up my girl.”

The fourth time she opens her eyes, it’s Blair. Blair’s been holding her hand and stroking it. Her eyes are on her phone, texting furiously with one hand.

Sterling decides to catch her attention. “Blair-“

Her twin shoots straight up, almost dropping her phone in the process.

“Sterling! You’re awake! Oh my God I have so much to tell you.”

Sterling smiles and squeezes her hand. She’s about to motion for water but Blair already has the cup to her lips. It’s like the minute the water passes through her she’s temporarily revived.

“The whole school knows...” Blair says.

Sterling can’t help but think of the worst, “That we’re bounty hunters?”

“Oh no! That you got shot. Everyone is literally sending me texts and asking when they can visit you.”

Sterling looks down. Her nose is slowly getting used to its primary function and lowkey she smells bad and she doesn’t have a mirror but she’ll bet money she looks like shit.

“Don’t let them come visit me,” she hoarsely replies.

“Okay. Also the Doctor is going to come up soon and explain things but you’re basically going to be in a wheelchair, and then crutches, and do a ton of physical therapy.”

Oh.

Blair continues. “It was a successful surgery but the Doctor says that it’s gonna take awhile for you to regain top notch mobility. Which is cool because that basically means no running during PE for you. Oh dude! Your doctor is like super hot. In a, ‘I want you to be my sugar daddy’ type of way.”

Sterling stares at her condescendingly. Blair hugs her and when she pulls back, she can see some tears threatening to fall.

“Why is it that you always scare me? No fair. Next time I’ll scare you.” The brown eyed girl plops back in her chair.

“But not to worry, your insufferable girlfriend already has some stupid chart in place of our schedule wheeling you around and taking you to PT.” Blair is texting again and when she sends the message, she looks up again. “April came in here guns a-blazing, ready to yell out she’s a raging lesbian to be let in to see you.”

Oh no. Sterling’s brow furrows.

“But not to worry sister, I talked some sense into her before she did that. She really cares...about you.”

Is that jealousy she hears in Blair’s tone?

Sterling opens her hand for Blair to take. The other twin does and Sterling squeezes, “I love you sister.”

Blair smiles a little and pouts a little after. “I do too Sterl.”

“Sorry to interrupt ladies but Sterling I need to talk to you before you sleep on me again...”

Oh shit her Doctor was really cute.

* * *

_As long as I got you_

_I'm gonna be alright_

The fifth time her eyes open, and April is directly staring at her. She’s sitting on the chair opposite her against the wall. Her arms are crossed against her chest. Sterling thinks she’s sleeping with her eyes open but her chest expands like she’s inhaled a vast amount of air through her nose.

Sterling opens her mouth to call her over but April is up, and Sterling thinks her girlfriend will take the chair closest to her but instead April grabs her face in her hands and plants one on her.

There’s so much urgency and longing in her kiss. Sterling’s insecurity bests her though. She smells and her breath probably stinks. Sterling pulls back.

But April keeps her head in place. “Don’t ask me not to kiss you,” the brunette grits out. “Not when I’ve seen a man shoot you...not when I’ve been in agony for the past two days.”

Two days? Wow. Sterling haven’t even accounted for time while being here.

April kisses her again and this time Sterling hums contently. Eventually April let’s go and pushes her forehead against her. The girl’s reddish brown hair cascades over them. “Let it be the last time you ever scare me like that! I am too young to be a Jackie Kennedy.”

Oh she’s just full of threats today. Also...Jackie Kennedy? Sterling chuckled softly.

April fell back into the chair next to her bed. She crosses her legs again and fold her arms over herself. “It escapes me as to why you think everything is so funny Sterl.”

Sterling laughs harder now. April rolls her eyes but smirks. Sterling’s laughter is one of those noises registered on her list of most beautiful things she’s heard.

“I’m sorry....”

April’s smile drops and she’s sitting there again, lost amongst her thoughts again.

“Why do you bounty hunt?” she finally murmurs.

It should be a simple question but in reality it’s not. “We’re really good at it, me and Blair.”

April scoffs.

“This is the first time one of us has been seriously hurt.”

“But I’ve seen the bruises Sterling.” It’s true, April has helped her cover some of them up.

“It feels good to catch the bad guy.”

April looks at her nails. “Like my father.”

Now it just seems like her girlfriend wants to argue with her. And she won’t let her.

“April...I like bounty hunting. It’s exhilarating to investigate, and catch the skips. There’s an adrenaline that just makes me feel alive when I use my gun to creatively stop them. Plus Bowser is like my second father now.”

April’s frown intensifies. “It’s selfish.”

“What?”

“You’re being selfish because you get a kick out of playing cops and robbers, meanwhile I have to constantly live with my heart caught in my throat because you might get hurt,” her voice cracks near the end. Tears form in her eyes but she turns away so Sterling won’t see them. April’s ego can be bigger than the length of this room sometimes.

Sterling’s hand reaches out for April. “Babe...I’m sorry. I’m sorry you had to see that. But I’m okay now. I prom-“

“You can’t promise that you won’t get hurt again Sterl.” April hiccups and looks down at her folded hands. Sterling hates what she’s made April feel.

April grabs Sterling’s hand and kisses it softly. “I was really afraid. My heart was literally going to jump out of my chest and all I wanted to do was run over to you.....I think Ezekiel and Hannah B know.”

“I’m sure they’ll be fine. They’re your friends.”

The brunette gets out of her chair again and leans in to kiss Sterling again. As much as she loves kissing April, she stinks. She can tell now and so she lifts her hands in protest.

April looks down confused. “Don’t worry, Blair is keeping watch outside. No one will interrupt us.” Blair has totally won good sister points this week.

“It’s not that. It’s just that I’m so icky. I smell and I haven’t done a breath check in fear of making myself pass out, but it’s not good.”

The other girl laughs softly and then her eyes widen. She laughs harder now. “Oh yeah you do.” April steps back and examines the room. Carefully she makes her way into the bathroom. “There’s a shower here,” she calls out.

April never waits for her to affirm, she simply walks out. Sterling thinks that maybe she went to talk to Blair or a nurse to help her shower. A nurse does come to bring her new robes, new sheets, and a walker that has a small seat. April follows back in holding some towels.

Once the nurse leaves, April locks the door and walks over. She looks for the panel to adjust the bed and lower it. “Let’s go,” she murmurs finally having found it.

“Umm you’re gonna help me shower?” Sterling’s cheeks tinge with embarrassment.

“Yeah. What’s wrong?”

Maybe Blair should do it. Although that might be as equally embarrassing. “I...uh I don’t know.”

April brings over the walker so it can help the blonde girl get up. “Angel....let me help you.”

How does this girl always manage to melt her into a puddle? Angel. That was a new one.

Getting to the shower seems like the most painful thing she’s ever done in her lifetime. Even worse than that time where Blair pushed her off the top of the jungle gym because they were reimagining Lion King. Sterling was Mufasa and Blair was scar. She was bruised for weeks.

Eventually she sits there in the corner of the bathroom that’s designated as the shower. April is behind her, pushing her hair to the right front side and her hands make way undoing the knots to her robe.

She’s thoroughly embarrassed. “This is not how I imagined you seeing me naked.”

April runs a hand along her spine softly. “It’s okay. Relax. Besides, I’ve already seen you naked so it’s not anything new.” She ties her hair back into a ponytail and removes her blouse so as to not get wet.

“Here,” she passes over a scrub with soap to Sterling. “You wash as much as your body possible and I’ll wash your hair.”

Sterling does as she’s told. She scrubs her body down twice. She catches a glance at where the bullet pierced her skin. It’s nasty looking and she thinks it’ll most likely be tightly bandaged when she leaves here.

April is still massaging conditioner into her hair and Sterling feels like she’s entered a new plane of existence. The blonde girl closes her eyes and relaxes into her girlfriend’s ministrations. She doesn’t know when she closed her eyes but when she opens them again, she catches April crouched down and placing a kiss on her stitches.

Sterling can’t even begin to fathom how she got so lucky.

* * *

_As long as I got you, yeah_

_I'm not afraid to die_

_I'm alright_

“When I finished constructing my lightsaber. Ob-Wan said to me: Anakin, this weapon is your life. This weapon is my life.” The sound of the TV is not as loud but regardless she makes no motion to raise the volume. April is already asleep on her shoulder.

It’s been three months since she got shot. Sugar daddy doctor always commends her when he sees her. Apparently having Blair and April on duty was super helpful and she nails the PT exercises every time she goes in. It’s the final stretch before the stitches are pulled out and she doesn’t have to bandage it anymore.

“No, Anakin, I can't. A Jedi lightsaber is.....wow. It’s heavier than I thought.”

She can’t will herself to turn off the episode. These past three months her girlfriend has committed their down time to watch all of Star Wars. They’ve finished all the movies, including the Solo and Rogue One. When Sterling thought they had finished though, April explains there’s two animated series with multiple seasons. Star Wars is...a lot, but she gets now why April likes it.

Her parents are out for the weekend but as far as they’re concerned, April and her are back to being best friends. She could turn off the TV but she’s intrigued by the scene going on. Anakin Skywalker is handing his wife Padme Amidala his lightsaber. It’s an act of love and act that expresses that no matter where he is in the galaxy, fighting evil or whatnot, his heart and his life always belongs to her.

“It's yours. Believe me now?” He says.

Sterling has an idea.

* * *

_Even if my heart stops beating_

_You're the only thing I need, ooh, with me_

A week later and Sterling still hasn’t gotten back to catching skips. Bowser is being super cautious and protective. It’s been him and Blair this whole time and she can’t say that it’s been any worse Jan before. On the other hand, Sterling has enjoyed the time spent with her girlfriend.

But today, Blair is sick. Sterling thinks it has to do with the fact that she ate too many marshmallows last night but Blair refuses to say that that’s what it was because she loves them.

It’s a female skip. Penelope Marcus, credit card theft. It seems everywhere she goes to work, homegirl takes a mental picture of customer’s credit cards to buy herself nice things. Back in 2015 she’d done it to a dozen Cracker Barrel tables she’d waitress for and now most recently she’d done it again at a Macy’s.

“She’s flighty….like most women,” grumbles Bowser. Sterling is excited to be back on the job and she quickly finds Penelope’s instagram. No doubt this skip likes to splurge. Going to rooftop restaurants, the most expensive clubs, Gucci, and YSL. Sterling scrolls thru and stops abruptly. What’s this?

Oh, she was definitely going to kill two birds with one stone today.

_Even if the Earth starts shaking_

_You're the only thing worth taking, ooh, with me_

April Stevens is joining their bounty hunt today. Sterling has been meaning to show her girlfriend what it means to bounty hunt and she knows words don’t do it justice. But going on bounty hunt, well that’s it. Sterling calls her up and tells her about the skip and the plan. April hesitates but then she’s confirming meeting up with her at Yogurtopia and now she’s here, in the back of Bowser’s car.

Sterling thinks its a good idea that she’s in the front and not in the back with her girl. April looks delectable. She’s wearing black leggings and a black shirt and a black leather jacket. “It’s called stealth,” is what she says when Sterling just gawks at her. Honestly if she were driving and Bowser was not here, she’d pull to the side of the road and have her way with her. Aside from not bounty hunting, her and April haven’t done “anything” since the incident and honestly she was ready now.

Finally they arrive at the location and Bowser hasn’t said a peep, probably from all the sexual tension in the car. She’s also surprised that Bowser let April come along, but then again their plan is foolproof.

Sterling gets out of the car first and runs to open April’s door. “Remember just lean into it, move when the skip moves.” Sterling grabs her girl’s hips and scoots her closer to her. “Dance with her,” she whispers dangerously close to April’s lips. The other girl deliciously rolls her eyes and bites her lip.

“The only person I want to dance with is you,” she says pushing her lips closer to Sterling’s.

“Oh yeah?”

“-ya’ll are gonna bust our cover if the skip sees you. Get into your positions.”

Unfortunately, Bowser is right and they make their way to their positions at the restaurant. The skip is at the bar. The life of a criminal is lonely but lucky for Penelope, they have a little date set up for her. Penelope happens to like girls too.

April walks over and sits down next to Penelope. It doesn’t sit well to have April flirting with anyone else but she’s a really good actress and Sterling wants her girlfriend to live the full bounty hunting experience.

They’re talking now. April is drowning the drink she ordered and wow they really don’t card in Atlanta anymore. Eventually April gets up and smirks at Penelope. She knows that smirk. It’s the “come, get it” smirk. Her girlfriend walks toward the narrow hallway to the bathroom. Penelope looks around and gets up too.

That’s their cue. Her and Bowser nod to each other from their respective corners and go in.

April....she’s really good. Really really good, because all she sees when she heads into the end of the dimly lit hallway is April on Penelope’s back on the floor cuffing her with the cuffs Bowser had given her.

“Ow what the fuck did you do to me?” The skip groans on the floor.

The brunette jumps up enthusiastically. She looks at Sterling and pulls up finger guns. “Tai chi. Pressure points. DU 26, RN 17, and ST 9.” Whatever that is. April continues doing a little dance and a little clap.

Sterling totally wants to make out with her right now. “Good job babe!” She puts her hand up high for a hi-five but April throws herself at her and -yeah, fuck it. All she can hear once their lips are crashing against each other is Bowser complain, “Horny ass girls.”

_Even if the sky's on fire_

_Got you here, it's alright, ooh, with me_

Bowser drops them off at Yogurtopia to get their cars but as soon as he leaves to jail with the skip she grabs hold of April’s hand and unlocks the back door for them to sneak in.

She can’t contain herself, there’s a hunger and a need that must be fulfilled. She pushes April into the musty couch. Blue-green eyes look up at her, surprise mixed with desire. Sterling straddles her lap and pushes her shoulders gently until she’s leaning back into the couch. April looks so hot today. It’s ridiculous how turned on she is right now.

Sterling presses her lips against her girlfriends losing the urgency but leaving the passion and longing. They’re safe here, even with cardboard bikini girl watching. “You were so good today April.” She moves down leaving a trail of kisses down the girl’s chin, latching to her neck. “You did such an amazing job babe. I was so turned on the whole time watching you.” She licks over the spot she had just nibbled on. The other girl moans softly.

“How did you feel when you caught her?” Sterling’s hand slips between them underneath April’s leggings.

The brunette closes her eyes to concentrate on her answer. “Exhilaration.”

“Mhmm. What else?”

“Power.” April’s hips roll upward pushing Sterling’s fingers deeper. She grabs hold of Sterling’s arm as well.

“Yeah, what else babe?”

“Mmm fuck, I don’t know. Excitement.”

Sterling stops and April groans. “Do you get it now?”

April looks at her desperately. Below her muscles clench at Sterling’s motionless fingers. The brunette takes a deep breath and nods in acceptance. Sterling smiles back at her.

_And if it's all over_

_I'm taking this moment, ooh, with me, nah_

* * *

Awhile later, both of them lay side by side. April’s head on Sterling’s shoulder. Sterling’s shoulder on April’s head. Their hands intertwined together.

Sterling is about to nod off when she remembers the other reason why she brought April here. The package is on Bowser’s desk and she practically skips toward it. She takes out a pair of sharp scissors from the desk and rips open the box. Inside is another black sleek black box.

“What is that?” April says from the couch. She still feels too much like Jell-O to get up.

Sterling smirks. “I bought myself a new gun.”

“Oh.” April shrugs but looks on to see what the gun looks like.

The blonde, pulls out the gun from the black box and inserts the empty magazine. She points it toward the other side of the wall so April can see. Her girlfriend’s eyes widen. “Wow it’s really pretty Sterl.”

“I know. It’s a Kimber Special Edition Rose Gold Ultra II pistol.” Sterling plays with the gun some more until finally she makes way to sit next to April.

Up close, April sees that the gun is engraved. _Sterling Wesley_

“This weapon is my life,” Sterling murmurs. The blonde girl places it on April’s hands. April holds on to it, confused. “It’s yours April.”

She didn’t laugh in case she ruined the moment but she can tell that April is running around her mind trying to remember where she’s hard that from and then her eyes widen. She knows.

“It’s mine?”

“Yeah.” Sterling smiles back at her. April’s hand runs across where her name is engraved.

Suddenly the gun is under her chin. April straddles her now and she whispers against her ear, “You are under my arrest and I demand a round 2 right now.”

Sterling laughs. Round 2 sounds about good right now.

_Wherever I'm going_

_I'm happy you're coming, ooh, with me_

_With me, yeah_

_I’m lucky you’re with me_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Star Wars reference is The Clone Wars Season 1; Episode 22 "Hostage Crisis". Watch on Youtube for reference.
> 
> The Neighbourhood album just dropped this weekend. So did Joji. Go listen
> 
> I had to look up guns for this chapter. Wild, I Know.
> 
> Add me on Tumblr: hija-del-trueno
> 
> *Update: I rushed to post because I had to ruin out the door but I fixed the continuity errors I caught. I'm soooo dummmm.


	7. Like You Do by Joji

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in chapter. Getting to this chapter is a story in itself. I was having trouble writing it and "rare is this love" (recent stepril one-shot that I posted, check it out) invaded my mind. And then I got back to this and there were two songs that really had me: one was 'Save Me' by Gotye (one of my most favorite songs) and the other was 'Like You Do' by Joji. I ended up going with Joji and started writing but the song still didn't have any meaning and the plot points either. This one is angsty and I have a recurring line that you'll see soon but it didn't mean anything for me....yet. Then the news broke out and suddenly the song and the line had meaning, I didn't even do that on purpose, it just happened. 
> 
> I am extremely saddened because this ship held so many parts of me that I hadn't revealed to the world much less myself. Please enjoy this chapter. I know the last thing we need is angst, I promise the next chapter will be much lighter.

_Lately, I can't help but think_

_That our roads might take us down different phases_

_Don't wanna complicate the rhythm that we've got_

When everything seems perfect, is it really?

Lately, April has been on the edge of paranoia. Nothing in her life was ever perfect. Sure, it seemed that way. For so long she’d taken many pages from her parents’ book and just rolled with it. There’s a lesson about resiliency somewhere there except that they are big fat liars.

At first it was easy to keep up with the lies and sell everyone on this idea that she is the absolute Sweet Christian girl in the south. Lives in a plantation style mansion, comes from good blood, good money, and on top of that cares for the world and children. She continues to sell that idea, albeit more quietly now. Besides it’s not like anyone really cares.

Team Stevens always wins. That’s what her father dumped into her time and time again while growing up. April’s realized the world doesn’t care enough if they win. Nonetheless, she’s been part of this nucleus far too long to start to understand that when her family’s perfect facade starts to fall apart, the ugliness inside glimmers through the cracks.

\- John Stevens ceases to be the perfect family man, instead he’s a unfaithful prostitute beater.

\- April Stevens is not the perfect, innocent Christian girl who cares for everything and everyone. She’s actually a bitch and more importantly a lesbian.

April shudders at the fact she has yet to discover her mother’s secrets and hopes that they are nothing close to what everyone else in this family has contributed.

So it’s fair to say that nothing perfect ever stays that way. Could it be that the perfect state of Sterling and April’s relationship will soon fade?

It’s these questions that keep her up at night.

* * *

_But I'm speechless_

_When everything's so pure, can it be aimless?_

_Painless?_

And it’s perfect and pure, their relationship.

April is so glad it’s with Sterling. She can’t imagine having all these new experiences with anyone else. It’s as if God made them one for the other. From their height, to their different personality, it just seems like the puzzle pieces just fit so smoothly.

If she were really a bitch, April would be jealous of Sterling. Her girlfriend makes being queer so easy so flawlessly. Sterling is also just so...heaven sent. It’s rare for Sterling to do things maliciously. She’s always looking to help someone else. She’s an angel. Her angel.

April never wants it to end. She also is careful not to ruin it.

One night they are basking on the afterglow of them having sex. (They seem to be doing that a lot, which is great!) The Volvo got new tints and Sterling said it was for “bounty hunting” but then immediately said they needed to break them in.

Anyways, they’re sitting there in the back. They never really take off all their clothes in the car but their button down whites are open even though their bras are on. Their hands are intertwined and April’s thumb caresses her girlfriend’s soft skin. She’d ask Sterling if she needed to go soon. April’s aware the Wesleys share the Volvo.

Sterling lets go of her hand to scoot into her and leans her head on April’s shoulder.Instead of holding hands again, her fingers manage to push up April’s skirt and draw invisible figure eights on her leg.

The blonde girl explains that ever since Miles, Blair hasn’t really dated. She frowns and realizes she should be concerned about that. Sterling goes on to talk quietly about Blair. April doesn’t mind. They’ve been out with Blair before and even though it seems that the other girl doesn’t like her, it’s not true. It’s like Sterling had said, Blair questions things. Most importantly, Blair loves Sterling and Sterling loves Blair. And anyone Sterling loves is okay in her book.

Sterling tells her about their big fight in Nandina. Guiltily, her girlfriend explains how she told her sister that she constantly sought the highest level of drama.

“I spent my whole life not rocking the boat too hard and Blair always did. But you know, sometimes causing a hullabaloo leads to some pretty great things,” Sterling says.

“Do you think I’m like that?” She whispers.

“Like what?”

April pauses. Maybe it’s a silly question to ask in the first place. “Do I...seek the highest level of drama?”

Sterling’s fingers stop their figure eights. It’s a long pause and it unnerves April.

Finally Sterling clues her in. “Mmm I don’t think you go out of your way to seek it. Maybe it’s what I would have thought at first but....I think drama exists in your life as-is and you’ve just been a really good actress throughout it.”

April leans back into the headrest. It confirms what she thought of herself. It only made her long for moments like these more. The only place where April could truly be herself was near Sterling.

April sighs and pulls Sterling’s hand into hers. “I don’t want this to end,” she hums.

Sterling stiffens next to her. The taller girl snaps her head up. Her pale blue eyes widen in confusion, piercing through her. “Who says it is, Sofia?”

April smirked at hearing her nickname. Sterling leaned in to place a gentle kiss on her lips.

April still doesn’t want this to end.

* * *

_If you ever go, all the songs that we like_

_Will sound like bittersweet lullabies_

At night when she can’t sleep, April will pull up the playlist. There’s so many songs on it. Songs that they added together. That meant memories and feelings. Touches and glances. Some of them represent the heartbreak that plagued the beginning of their relationship but now there were so many that represented their fond happy times. She’d never been a sappy, romantic but now she has so many songs that she’s dedicated to Sterling. Honestly sometimes it’s ridiculous.

There’s a song she wants to add. It’s from Joji’s new album Nectar. But she’s hesitant to put it because the song is a bit depressing. April thinks she’ll add it eventually. Maybe after her paranoia fades. She doesn’t want to believe this will be the last song she’ll have added before their relationship ends.

Ugh why does she keep thinking it will end? Why can’t she shake this dreadful feeling off of her?

* * *

_Lost in the blue_

_They don't love me like you do_

_Those chills that I knew_

_They were nothing without you_

It’s October 5th when it happens. April wakes up and does her daily morning routine. Washes her face. Puts on her clothes. Curls her hair. Puts on some makeup (applies Sterling’s favorite scented lip gloss). She heads down and has breakfast, which is usually avocado toast and orange juice.

Her parents don’t suspect a thing. They never have and she makes sure to keep it that way. Of course, her and Sterling have taken many liberties far beyond those they had promised one another in the original proposition. But it was hard to keep up with such strict rules, not when love was in the air. Thankfully Hannah B and Ezekiel backed her up and they never questioned her.

Besides it’s not like her father was ever around recently anyways. Ever since he was released from jail John Stevens made himself scarce. It was always business related and April never really questioned. One, because he said he needed to make up for the legal fees which made sense. Two, if he wasn’t at home then he couldn’t sniff into her business or inquire as to what she was really up to.

Her mom comes in to help her finish packing her lunch. She looks worn and apathetic. April’s mother has looked like this since her father was arrested.

Soon she’s off. April likes to be at school early. Sometimes she’ll sit outside and catch up with the trinity and other times she’s in the library studying. There’s nothing for her at home so why stay there. April knows it’s the opposite for the Wesley girls, they have everything at home. Love and nurture, a positive outlook in life. It’s why they always arrive on the bell or after.

Sometimes though, her truant surprises her. It’s rare but she’ll hear the tires of the Volvo screech across the parking lot and out comes her sunshine, Sterling Wesley. This time the blonde girl need not text her or look for her because she was there on the lawn with Ezekiel and Hannah B.

“Oh...hey there Miss April, lovely weather we’re having this fine Georgia autumn morning,” Sterling says with her best southern drawl.She’s still panting from skipping all the way to her. Her hands are behind her back.

“Why yes it is looking very beautiful.” April smiles softly as she teases back, her eye unmoving from her girlfriend’s. Finally Sterling releases her hands behind her and extends them out to her.

“I brought you a croissant and peach tea, best friend.” Sterling had resorted to calling her that at school so as to not raise suspicion.

April leaned in to hug her. There was a lot of that at school too. She took the croissant and tea. “Thank you,” she said shyly and took a sip of the tea. Gosh this tea was so darn good. When she opened her eyes again, she saw Sterling ogling at her with her mouth open. April stated back sternly.

Snap out of it! “Right, umm ok yeah. I’ll...see you later.” And Sterling is off again.

April sighs. The domesticity of this act...it turns her on. She longs for it. April wants to be able to kiss Sterling for bringing her her favorite tea sometimes. She wants to be able to smile back at her across the lawn and get picked up by her or get dropped off by her.

And yet they protect this, whatever this is, with their life in the hopes that someday they’ll get to do it in public. That someday is catching up with them real soon. She doesn’t want this to end, she wants this to grow.

“Y’all are so obvious.”

EXCUSE ME. April’s eyes widen and scramble to find who said such offending-

Hannah B looks at her dumbfounded. “What? It’s like really obvious.”

Ezekiel nods enthusiastically. She feels the color start to drain from her face.

“But don’t worry girl, we’ve been covering,”the boy says nonchalantly.

April closes her eyes so she doesn’t have to see red. She can’t believe it.

“I think it’s really cute,” cues in Hannah B. “Like your cup right now.”

April opens her eyes again to see her cup. She rotates it until she finds a small “AW” scribbled on it. Huh?

Hannah B points at it and smiles. “April Wesley.”

She was gonna fucking kill Sterling. April gulps loudly and she feels her face swim in red of pure embarrassment.

“But don’t worry your secret is safe with us,” the other doe eyed girl whispers.

Ezekiel nods again. “No one knows.”

“No one?” She realizes her voice is tiny. April is scared.

Ezekiel grabs her shoulder. “Trust me April, no one knows. We happen to know because we are with you 24/7 and because we have gaydar.”

Oh. Okay.

“Your secret is safe with me and Hannah B. As is mines with yours?”

April nods. “Of course.”

They both hug her and April is just so thrown off. Everything is perfect. Too perfect.

When they’re done she quickly chugs the rest of the tea. Can’t have anyone else catching that AW. She finds a trash can.

“April Wesley,” she scoffs quietly.

She doesn’t admit it but it totally made her stomach flip and heart sore.

* * *

_And everyone else_

_They don't matter now_

_You're the one I can't lose_

_No one loves me like you do_

It’s October 5th when it happens. April’s in AP Chemistry. It’s the only class where she doesn’t have anyone else. No Hannah B, or Ezekiel, no Luke, or Blair and no Sterling. She understands, it’s a really difficult class. Her phone is on the desk but it’s on silent. She rarely checks it but this time they are covering thermodynamics and April is beyond bored. She sneaks a glance but then regrets it.

She has 6 missed calls from her mother, all within the last 3 minutes and one voicemail.

Something’s not right. April gets up. “Excuse me Mr Ericsson, may I please use the restroom?”

He must have seen desperation written all over her face because he motioned for her to go. As soon as she stepped out she headed for the girls bathroom but she was hitting play on the voicemail.

“April,” a wail. “April....we are gonna lose everything....oh my lord....FBI is here....your father was arrested.....in prison for life.....I’ve never worked a day in mine...what are we going to do?”

She can’t remember how she got to the bathroom but she’s splashing water to her face. She’s heard the voicemail about 3 times already. April can’t seem to stop her body from trembling.

What’s going on? She’s about to call her mother back when her phone starts buzzing. It’s Ezekiel. And Hannah B. And Luke? Horny Lorna?

All of a sudden there’s 20 text messages and they all seem to be asking about one thing: her father being arrested and the coverage on Fox 5 Atlanta.

There’s media coverage? And suddenly someone’s sent her the link. It’s a developing story but there’s a picture of her father and the title reads “Prostitution Ring Kingpin Arrested.” There’s other words there like “child pornography” and “sex trafficking”.

April can’t breathe.

Her phone is buzzing again and she looks down to see Sterling calling. Shakily she brings up the phone to her ear.

“April where are you?”

She breathes heavily. Where is she? “Sterl...I can’t breathe.”

“I know babe. You are having a panic attack. Where are you? I’m trying to find you. Blair went to AP Chem to grab your stuff. But where are you?”

“Bathroom...”

“Okay. One near class?”

“Yeah.” She responds. April looks at herself in the mirror and wishes the rapture happened around now. She doesn’t want to face this world anymore. What will she do?

_Since I met you_

_All the gloomy days just seem to shine a little more brightly_

Sterling’s there. She places a kiss on her forehead and hugs her. April can’t cry. She gasps for air.

“Come on. I have Ellen’s keys. We can sit in her office.” And Sterling guides her there and has her sit down on one of the chairs. Sterling pulls another one directly in front of her.

“Okay April. I’m gonna have you do some breathing exercises with me. Close your eyes.”

April follows. Her hand shakes to the collar of her red polo and unbuttons the top two buttons.

“Breathe in........hold it.........now breathe out.”

They repeat the cycle several times. It doesn’t do much for April’s frazzled mind but at least she can breathe again.

She opens her eyes and Sterling’s looking at her with a concerned stare. The blonde girl gets up and stands next to her.

April’s walls break and she weeps. Soon, Sterling is cradling her girlfriend’s body against her. Sterling gently strokes her hair.

April has lost all track of time. She’s not sure how long they’ve been in Ellen’s office. She looks up at Sterling just to confirm that she’s here and she’s real.

Soon the taller girl pulls away and she’s pulled the chair much closer to her. Sterling grabs her face and pulls her in for a kiss. Tears threaten to fall again. “I know you’re scared. I don’t know what will happen and neither do you, but I’ll be there every step of the way. I’ve got you, remember?” April nods in her hands. “I love you April. And I’m sorry about your father. You deserve so much more.”

Her eyes wrinkle trying not to cry at Sterling’s words. “I love you too Sterl.”

* * *

_Consider what we've got_

_'Cause I can never take you for granted_

_Is there another us on this whole planet?_

_Planet?_

They stay holed up in Ellen’s office for most of the day. Ellen has to teach class but even she got word of what happened to John Stevens so she’s fully okay with Sterling staying there to comfort April.

Together they read the articles more carefully. April quietly mulls over next steps in her head until she’s ready to call her mother again. April has always been stronger. The school day is about to end and despite her strength she does not want to go home. Facing that music needs more fortitude.

“The Bible says that we won’t ever receive trials we can’t handle,” her girlfriend explains beside her.

April sighs, “But how do I know it’s a trial and not a consequence.”

A minute passes. “It’s definitely a consequence for your father.”

“And not for me, the lesbian, fornicator, liar, bi-“

“April, Stop.” Sterling looks at her sternly. “Stop beating yourself up for something that your father did, okay. Come here.”

She’d been standing by the bookcase but she listens to Sterling. She takes a seat again and Sterling turns up her palms signaling for April to place her hands in hers again.

“I find that when shit really is hitting the fan that I should pray. Even if its the most basic prayer, God hears us.” Sterling closes her eyes and April follows. “Dear Lord, its me again. Well, me and April. I know that I’ve always asked this from you but again I just want to ask you to please keep me and those I love safe. Please help April right now, Lord. Help her be brave during these troubling times. Help her not harbor anything in her heart but that she is able to find comfort in you.” April grips Sterling’s hands tighter. “I love her so much, God and I know you do too. And one more thing, please help John Stevens, that he may repent and find Your Grace Lord. Thank you for listening to us. In Jesus name we say -“

“Amen.”

* * *

_If you ever go, all the songs that we like_

_Will sound like bittersweet lullabies_

If everything goes right, John Stevens won’t ever step foot in April’s home ever again. She’s convinced her mom to put in the divorce now before he starts selling all their things for his legal fees. He’s going against the federal court. Apparently, he was leading the largest sex trafficking ring and was prostituting young immigrant girls (and boys) to celebrities, politicians, and other powerful people in the South. Neither of them know when he got into this business or how it started. They know nothing about it and so the FBI lets her and her mother go rather quickly.

April doesn’t know how much money they’ll have in the future but she starts crafting her resume and cover letter, just so she can start applying to part-time jobs. Her mother is going to start counseling soon and she hopes it turns out well because if there’s someone in the Stevens family without any identity of their own, its her mother.

Sterling is there. A phone call away or a text. She sleeps over a lot more at her place because now her father is there and her mother doesn’t even know what day it is. Sterling acts as support for the most part. She never pressures her into feeling something April doesn’t want to feel. Sterling never invalidates her emotions. They stop having sex and stop going out on fun dates. She’s just there, always looking at her like she’s about to break.

And if it made matters worse, April’s doubts piled on. A voice tells her that Sterling will leave her soon because this is not what she had signed up for. The same voice nags on that her life and family are falling apart because of her sin. It’s louder and more prominent.

It’s not a voice she’s heard in a while. April thought she had defeated this demon when she memorized her defense as a lesbian. She repeated it so many times to herself in the mirror until the voice went away. But now the voice has absorbed all her doubts of her relationship and her father to become this big scary thing that haunts her day and night.

How long until Sterling is bored of her? How long until she finds another girl or guy to love her out and proud like she deserves?

All April knows is she doesn’t want this to end.

* * *

_Lost in the blue_

_They don't love me like you do_

_Those chills that I knew_

_They were nothing without you_

“Beloved, it is that time again where we come together to remember the sacrifice of our Redeemer.”

April wishes they would have skipped coming to church today, but both her and her mother forgot it was that day today.

Pastor Booth always wore his finest suit today. “So as the Communion tray is being passed down, I just want you to start praying and start thinking of His Grace and Mercy. We were not deserving of His sacrifice but He loved us. Oh how He loved us.”

Did God really love her? Did he really shine his Mercy on her? She did not dare look at the Wesley row right now.

_And everyone else_

_They don't matter now_

_You're the one I can't lose_

_No one loves me like you do_

“The Word of God says, ‘For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes. So then, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord. Everyone ought to examine themselves before they eat of the bread and drink from the cup. For those who eat and drink without discerning the body of Christ eat and drink judgment on themselves. That is why many among you are weak and sick, and a number of you have fallen asleep.” Pastor Booth pauses and smiles.

The weight of those words fall heavy over her shoulders. She doesn’t know. April doesn’t know if what she is doing is right or wrong. All she knows is that she loves Sterling and Sterling loves her back. Sterling loves her back more so than any other person has on this Earth so far. Her parents, Lord bless them, have tried but now they are caught up on their own sins. And wanting to be loved like this can’t be wrong. It just can’t be.

Pastor Booth continues, “But if we were more discerning with regard to ourselves, we would not come under such judgment. Nevertheless, when we are judged in this way by the Lord, we are being disciplined so that we will not be finally condemned with the world. So then, my brothers and sisters, when you gather to eat, you should all eat together.”

April closes her eyes.

“Beloved let us pray and ask God that he forgive our transgressions and that we forgive others like we are asking to be forgiven.”

She feels like she’ll throw up. The tray comes before her and she grabs the cup and a small piece of cracked up wafer. She holds it in her hand but she feels it burns into her fingertips. What if she eats and drinks judgement on herself? What if this is meant to not last because its not for her? She’s John Stevens’ daughter. Who promises her she won’t end up like him? April can’t breathe again.

And then her phone buzzes, its next to her so she simply glances down.

Now

SW👱🏻‍♀️:

Relax. Close your eyes and pray. I’ve got u.

Yeah. Okay. She can do that.

_*Heavenly Father….Jesus, ummm God, hello it’s me April. I know I have rarely asked for anything. You’ve given me all the tools up till now to take care of myself. But I am struggling, and it’s hard for me to admit that I am but I am. I don’t know who I am anymore and I definitely don’t know who you want me to be? Please help me. Show me what you want from me. Let me be at peace in my heart again. I’ve always followed your directions. Always been as good and as faithful as I can be, but now there’s this girl who loves me so much. No one loves me like her…well aside from You….*_

_I don't wanna seem foolish_

_When I'm jumping into this_

_You're all that I see_

April opens her eyes and sneaks a glance at Sterling and she’s there praying her little heart out, probably for her. April gulps.

_*Lord as much as this is going to hurt me but please, if this is not for me...if me and Sterling...if it’s not your will then will you take it away from me? And please let it not hurt, me nor her. I love her so very much too and I don’t want her to get hurt or be in sin if it is not your will. I’m sorry for all my sins. For all my lies. Please help my father and help me forgive him. Most importantly God, let me drink this and not drink your judgement because I really just want to be your daughter through and through. I promise to be better each day. Amen.*_

April cries as she does communion. But this time she doesn’t cry because she’s sad but because she feels at ease liberated. The weight is off her shoulders. When the service ends the Wesleys come over and comfort her mom. Sterling gives her a hug and no one thinks otherwise because April has been through the ringer.

Despite being at ease, as she plays with the cross at her necklace, she hopes to God that this doesn’t end.

_And everyone else_

_They don't matter now_

_You're the one I can't lose_

_No one loves me like you do_

Later that night, April adds the song. She listens to it once, then twice and then she’s about to play it a third time when suddenly Sterling’s FaceTiming her.

It’s lights out for the both of them but the glow of their phones illuminates their faces.

“Hi.”

“Hi....I like the song. But I’ll admit it’s a tad too sad sounding to me.”

She lets out a chuckle. “I mean...things haven’t been peachy for me lately.”

“True...tell me what’s on your mind?” Sterling has the same concerned look on her face that she’s had for some time now.

“I’m scared about us.”

“How so?”

April sighs, “Growing up I’ve realized that everything perfect always ends. Being with you, it’s like being in the eye of the hurricane. I feel like nothing can touch us but then come all these doubts. That you’ll get bored of me. The what-if this isn’t right before God. That I won’t have the courage to come out and disappoint you. You deserve-“

Now it’s Sterling’s turn to sigh, “April, don’t tell me what I deserve. Please don’t. Now I want you to just hold on a darn second and let me take the negative. You can’t ever disappoint me and I will never get bored of you. Being in a relationship means we go through each other’s ups and downs. We are not perfect. I love you and I knew what I wanted when I accepted your proposition. I knew things would not be easy. You still ignite something in me that I don’t want to shut down. And about God, if it wasn’t meant to be He wouldn’t have allowed for us to come this far. April Stevens I love you in the most sincere way I could ever love someone else, without malice and without selfishness. I don’t see why that’s unacceptable.”

April wishes she can take these words and etch them permanently in her soul. This liberates her too. She never knew how she got so lucky.

“You literally save me, Sterl. You mean so much to me. I couldn’t have gone through this whole mess without you. I think that’s what scares me. The fact that you’re my angel. It’d be hard to lose you.”

Sterling sits up more. “But you haven’t. And as far as I know I’m not going nowhere and neither are you. So don’t focus so much on tomorrow. Focus on the now. We have each other and we love each other and that’s all that counts. We can make plans, sure. I want to make plans with you but for now, for these thoughts, force them to the present.”

“How are you so good at this?” She smiles at her girlfriend. Sterling smiles back.

“I love you and I’ve got you."

“And I’ve got you," April breathes out in relief.

And it’s at this moment April knows, this is not going to end.

_No one loves me like you do_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #saveteenagebountyhunters
> 
> Join the fight on twitter, Tumblr and other social media. 
> 
> If you enjoy, please comment and kudos. Thanks y'all.


	8. Watermelon Sugar by Harry Styles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But...things hadn’t necessarily gone back to normal for her and April. They haven’t had sex in quite some time. Which is fine...sort of. Sterling is content with being a good girlfriend and the few times they’ve slept over at each other’s place April has automatically curled up to her and just slept. April probably gets very little sleep and Sterling is content in just stroking the other girl’s auburn hair until she feels her soft breathing even out. Sterling doesn’t want to push April, she wants to be supportive. 
> 
> But it’s moments like these, in the cafeteria, that Sterling will literally explode like a firework. And not the weak Cedar Rapids “boom” kind but the Disney World “ka-boom” kind. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long, but to make it up to you 🥺👉🏻👈🏻, I made it raunchy 😈 
> 
> Anyways, its important for you to know that in my head, Danielle Gold is played by Diana Silvers, because Diana Silvers is soooo fuckin hot. But if you don't think she's hot, then she can be played by whoever you want.
> 
> Dress April wears: https://ibb.co/WkVp6XH  
> Dress Danielle wears: https://ibb.co/wRcTTmh
> 
> [Warning] Explicit content ahead 👅

_Tastes like strawberries on a summer evenin'_

_And it sounds just like a song_

Apostle Paul really had it wrong in 1 Corinthians 7, because there’s honestly no way on Earth that one could live a life of abstinence and celibacy. There’s no way one could do it especially if you have a super hot girlfriend. Sterling thinks about nuns too. Like how they do it? Maybe they like, make out with each other and no one knows? Maybe they have it right?

It’s a short respite, thinking. Sterling has been trying to think straight for the past 15 minutes. Unfortunately for her, her sitting choice had not benefitted her much this lunch. She’s been watchful of April since her father got arrested again and the divorce process started. Her angel’s had it rough. This blooming sense of protection has engulfed Sterling in a way that makes Blair tell her that if she were a dog she’d be a German Shepherd. Sterling thinks she’d be a collie, like Lassie. Anyways, the point is that she keeps a watchful eye on April all the time, even when she doesn’t know it.

Lately her girlfriend has been better. She stops crying every night and her panic attacks have lessened. Being near her mom had not been helpful in the beginning. April’s mother had been an absolute train wreck. The divorce was very hairy. One night she took up drinking, then another she took up pill popping. One night she overdosed and April found her and called Sterling to come to the hospital. April’s mom stayed there for a week after they pumped her stomach. Codependency was a bitch.

But like all storms, there’s always rainbows at the end. Sterling had talked to her mom to get some other ladies from church to rotate talking and texting April’s mom. That helped lift her up and soon they convinced her to stick with counseling and things have looked a lot brighter since then. Sterling and April recently spent a few weeks looking for jobs for her and found one as an a administrator for a Children’s Cancer clinic. Watching over children going through it really helped April’s mother put everything in perspective and so far she’s been stronger. Sterling was content of these recent wins.

But...things hadn’t necessarily gone back to normal for her and April. They haven’t had sex in quite some time. Which is fine...sort of. Sterling is content with being a good girlfriend and the few times they’ve slept over at each other’s place April has automatically curled up to her and just slept. April probably gets very little sleep and Sterling is content in just stroking the other girl’s auburn hair until she feels her soft breathing even out. Sterling doesn’t want to push April, she wants to be supportive.

But it’s moments like these, in the cafeteria, that Sterling will literally explode like a firework. And not the weak Cedar Rapids “boom” kind but the Disney World “ka-boom” kind.

April sits about 5 tables away and she picks at the fruit medley she’d pack for herself. Sterling sees her pop blueberries one after the other into her mouth, then she bites into a strawberry and it’s ripe because the juice dribbles on the corner of her mouth until April wipes it away. Where did April even get strawberries? They aren’t in season. The shorter girl has been eating so much more fruit lately that sometimes Sterling wonders if she tastes like that.

Her hands automatically go to her collar as she pops a button off, then another. Sterling shakes the thought away and turns anywhere to distract herself. Instead she finds Blair’s stern gaze directed at her.

Loading Twin Telepathy: **[Enter]**

“You know you should really just corner her and ~~bone~~ , scratch that, finger already,” Sterling’s sister says.

“Blair! I can’t do that. April needs me to be supportive right now.”

“Just ask her when she thinks she’ll be ready then?! So you have a date and are prepared and aren’t dying,” Blair rolls her eyes at her.

Sterling scoffs. She’s not going to ask April that. That’ll only add unnecessary stress to her girlfriend.

“Well then if you’re not going to do either, you need to stop staring all the time because you’re starting to make it obvious.”

**[End Twin Telepathy]**

Despite what Blair has just told her, she sneaks one more glance toward her girl. Her sister grumbles next to her.

April hasn’t even noticed her staring as April sits enthralled on her phone. She’s about to bite into a watermelon triangle but she pauses biting it and holds it in her mouth, as her fingers scroll. The slice perspires juice and the only reason Sterling knows that is because April suddenly licks at her hand with which she’s holding the watermelon. It’s better to turn away again.

Ka-boom.

* * *

_I want more berries and that summer feelin'_

_It's so wonderful and warm_

Sterling almost runs into the janitor’s closet. After lunch, April texts her to meet her there after school before their first forensics meeting. The fall forensics tournament was in a month and they were about to kick-off their meetings to start practicing.

The tall blond girl looks at her watch and yessss they can totally fit a quickie in 15 min. Because that’s what April probably wants. They were probably feeding off each other’s sexual energy/tension in the cafeteria and that’s why her girlfriend had texted her.

Sterling doesn’t even bother to check herself before she opens the door, walks through it, locks it and sees April standing there. Then it’s on. The taller girl grabs at her girlfriend’s hips and pulls her in for a searing kiss. She’s disappointed because she can’t taste the fruit she ate during lunch but no matter. Sterling’s hands grip tighter as her mouth slides against April’s. She opens her mouth to get the brunette to follow along but then April’s hands push at her shoulders and she gasps. “Wait.”

Uh...okay. April’s surprised look throws her off kilter. “Hi Sterl.”

They’re still gasping and holding each other and Sterling has to gulp to get a response out. “Hi.”

Her girlfriend’s eyes dart at the wall behind her. “I need to tell you something important before our forensics meeting.”

Oh. So this wasn’t a quickie? Before disappointment crosses her face, Sterling calmly let’s go and takes a step back. Something important means supportive girlfriend Sterling needs to step in. She crosses her legs to stop the throbbing between them and sweetly locks her hands together.

“Okay, go ahead.”

April smiles shyly. She’s nervous. April shouldn’t be. At least not around her anymore. “I’m not going to participate in Forensics this tournament.”

What?!

Before Sterling can ask why not, April continues. “I just don’t feel like I have the emotional energy right now to debate things. Especially with men. It’s....I don’t know. I don’t want to.”

“Okay.” Sterling is at a loss of what to say really. “It’s fine.”

April smirks. “Right, especially because you’re in it and are more than capable of winning.”

Sterling scoffs and doesn’t understand if that’s a jab or not. “Sure, have you seen me in action these past two tournaments.”

April chuckles, “Yes but you’re still pretty good. This last tournament it was your moral compass and romantic misgivings that made you lose.”

It was Sterling’s turn to laugh. “I don’t know about misgivings. It looks to me that I won regardless.” She steps in to try to close the gap between them. Except April puts her hand up.

“Wait there’s more.”

Oh.

“Despite me not being in forensics, I do feel the need to exert some competitive energy. I also just need a win, because lately all I’ve had is losses...” she sighs and Sterling simply nods, willing her to continue. “Which is why this year I am doing this,” April shoves her phone out at her.

“Miss Georgia Peach Pageant” Okayyyy.

April blushes when Sterling looks up at her. “I-umm-I used to participate in these when I was way younger and they were fun, for the most part. There’s four sections for the older teen category: Formal Wear, Swim Wear, Community, and Talent. It’s going to be fun...to smoke out all the competition.”

Sterling nods. “Are you sure about this?” The only reason Sterling asks it’s because it seems like a huge endeavor and the last thing she wants is to see April defeated.

“Yes,” the shorter girl replies.

“Alright, then I full heartedly support you.”

April smiles and hugs her. Sterling leans down to settle a soft kiss amongst her lips. She’s already one minute late.

“I still have to tell the rest of the team so let’s go.”

Of course. They’re walking along the halls to forensics and April is already excitedly yapping off about her preparations for the pageant. Leave it to Sterling to fall for the most overly dramatic Southern Belle. Meh, she wouldn’t have it any other way.

Wait...April said Swim Wear, right?

Kaaa-boom.

* * *

_Breathe me in, breathe me out_

_I don't know if I could ever go without_

The following month passes like a blur. The two girls barely spend time together. April spends most of her time getting in shape, working on her essays and speeches, and finding appropriate clothing for the different contests. Her mother is thrilled as they both enjoy dressing her up.

Sterling on the other hand spends the month practicing and investigating. After seeing the dossiers that April had prepared last time she took those and recreated fresh ones. Thankfully it wasn’t too much work as it was all the same students from the last tournament. Hands, British guy, Wu...there were only two new students and Sterling was able to dig dirt on them just by stalking their social media.

This would be a piece of cake, right?

It’s the eve of the forensics tournament and Sterling is almost creating an ankle deep trenching with how she keeps trudging in circles in April’s room. April’s mother is working late and at this point she doesn’t mind. She is happy that April found a reliant ‘best friend’ during these hard times.

Tomorrow, Friday after-school is the forensics tournament. Saturday is the pageant. Sterling’s parents aren’t going to forensics because there’s nothing more that makes her choke than seeing Debbie’s scrutinizing mother glaze on her. Last time she had been there it’d been text after text: ‘don’t slouch’ ‘smile more’ ‘poise sweetie’. It was annoying and she didn’t need that shit right then and there. Besides, her parents were leaving Friday night to Big Daddy’s for four days.

Blair also won’t be at forensics because Bowser needs help with a skip. And April, well Sterling imagined that much like now April will be extremely occupied with the minutiae of the pageant. Guess this just leaves Sterling with her nerves.

“STERL-“ Sterling breaks out of her reverie.

“Huh? Yes!”

Annoyance flashes across April’s face. “What’s going on? You have the dossiers, you’ve been practicing, so what’s wrong?” She crosses her arms and leans on her right leg. April only does that when she’s pissed.

“April, you know I always get nervous.”

April shook her head. “Last season you didn’t. You were ‘hitting your stride’ remember.” The brunette walks toward her, pointing at Sterling to make her statement. “Whatever gave you confidence last year, you have to do that again.”

No she can’t. She can’t do that again. “I can’t.”

April closes her eyes. “Why not?” She exhales out pinching the bridge of her nose.

Sterling feels like a little girl again about to get an ass whooping for having done something she shouldn’t have. “Remember when I told you that I masturbated to you?”

Sterling tells her everything leading up to the last forensics tournament: how Blair had encouraged her to chase her O, how she had made out with a majority of her opponents, and how she found her O after April had gripped her arm.

When Sterling focuses back to April’s face she finds a deep frown.

“You made out with all your forensic opponents?”

Sterling honestly felt smaller than the other girl right now. “Yeah,” she nodded.

The brunette scoffs and rolls her eyes. “Typical Wesley,” she mutters.

April closes her eyes and taps her foot on the ground. “Did you enjoy it?” April opens up her eyes again but this time Sterling finds an inkling hint of pain behind them.

She decides to be honest. “I mean it took the edge off, made me relax during the tournament, but you and I both know that wasn’t what I was looking for that day.”

“You can’t do that this time,” April says firmly.

Sterling shook her head. “Nope,” pointing at her ring finger, “I have a girlfriend now.” She’s taken and she can’t go around shoving her tongue into someone who isn’t April, not that she wants to anyways.

April melts at the gesture. Her anger dissipates into thin air. The edges of her mouth curl up. The small shy smile makes Sterling’s stomach flip. The fact that April still has this effect on her comforts and excites Sterling all the same.

April reaches for her and Sterling is not dumb enough to not obligue. The shorter girl links her fingers behind Sterling’s neck, which in turn pulls Sterling down toward her. When their lips touch there is still electricity sizzling between them.

The kiss is meant to be soft and innocent, but their recent abstinence only intensifies everything more. Sterling’s hands ghost over the skin exposed right above the waistband of her shorts. She can feel new muscles that April has developed.

It’s only until April moans into her mouth that they both realize their realities. Neither of them have checked to lock the door, nor is Sterling’s problem solved. They pull back simultaneously. Their mouths disengaging with a loud pop.

They both rest their foreheads against each other and breathe in their space together. Sterling has practiced this with April to ground her when she feels a panic attack rising. This time though there isn’t any panic just pure adoration amongst them. Adoration and wonder as to the fact that they are here together and they love each other. April unlocks her fingers and brings her right hand to caress Sterling’s maxilla like she always does.

“I don’t know if I can be there tomorrow,” April whispers, “but I am confident that you are fully capable of beating everyone. You are a really good debater.”

Sterling smiles at her compliment. April smirks and leans to whisper in her ear. “If you win, I will make it up to you in more ways than one. How’s that for motivation?”

Her patellas definitely quivered right now.

April pulls back. “So I want you to go back and find your best outfit, look extremely sexy tomorrow, give those stupid boys a show but know that at the end of the day you belong to me.” April squeezes her arms for emphasis.

Sterling nods in a haze. She’s honestly right at the edge of desire. Her lips find her girlfriend’s again and while Sterling wants to have April right then and there, April ends the kiss. She looks at her and motions her to go and do as she says.

She loves it when her girlfriend is bossy with her.

* * *

_I'm just thinking out loud_

_I don't know if I could ever go without_

The topic they get to debate is “Should the police be defunded?” Sterling is a tad bit giddy because that’s the topic she practiced the most amongst their study guides.

The texting system that is supposed to give them their assignments backfires so they’re sitting there with their teams. The waiting makes her a bit more nervous. She can’t even practice because she doesn’t know if she’ll have the affirmative or the negative.

**Now**

**best month ❤️:**

Meet me in the 🚪

April’s here! Sterling gets up automatically from her chair, like if she’s possessed by some demon. A horny sex demon is what Blair would say if she were here. She does a double take before she enters the janitor’s closet. Lord knows she brought a ton of guys here last time and she can’t risk them following her here again for a round 2.

Sterling did as April instructed. Her outfit didn’t change much from last year, they still had to wear their school uniform. She decided to forego the sweater vest this time around and instead wore a khaki skirt, light blue collared shirt and the Willingham navy blazer. She opened her collar a bit and had her hair up in her classic Sterling ponytail and side bangs. She had practiced her meek, innocent Christian girl look in the mirror in the morning. Sterling has the guys in the palm of her hand. Hook, line, and sinker.

She opens the door, enters swiftly and closes it softly behind her. She can’t help but have a full smile on her face.

“Hi, you’re here!”

April laughs, “Yes. I realized that you would be there for me this weekend so I should be a good supportive girlfriend and be here for you.”

Sterling nods. “Thank you.”

April also wears a khaki skirt but sports a white collared shirt instead. Her auburn curls cascade perfectly around her face. It’s been awhile since Sterling admired her in person and April was more than ready for her pageant tomorrow; she looked perfect.

April caught her staring and looked down to hide her blush. Her manicured fingers pulled something from her pockets.

“I brought your favorites: watermelon and strawberry.” Sterling looks down to see April’s hands holding two tubes of lipgloss.

“Oh. You...want us to-“ Sterling points between the two of them.

“Make out. Well you said yesterday that it helps take the edge off so I figure I’ll stay here and between recesses you come by and...yeah.” April twirls a strand of hair nonchalantly.

Soooo game on.

One moment to the next, April has both hands around Sterling’s face and their lips crash against each other. Sterling nips and bites at her lips until April gasps and she slides a bit of her tongue in. She bites back a moan when the taste of strawberries hits her.

The blonde slowly slides her mouth down, trailing kisses toward the soft, ripe skin on her neck. April smells so good, like cherry blossoms and spring flowers. By natural instinct her teeth scrape slightly against the skin. The tug on Sterling’s hair has her gasp and move back up. Her girlfriend’s lips hover over hers. “Pageant tomorrow. No hickeys.”

“No hickeys. Got it,” she replies and she dips back in.

Time moves too quickly it seems because her phone dings. It’s her room assignment. April straightens her out and smudges away any lingering lip gloss with her thumb.

“Go get ‘em Tiger.”

Safe to say, Sterling murders her first opponent. And her second. And the third.

And the more Sterling keeps going back into the closet, the more disheveled April gets. Her shirt is untucked and unbuttoned halfway. April straightens out her skirt every time but Sterling rides it up again when she cops a feel of her thigh or her ass.

It’s Sterling and Wu again for the final round. April doesn’t bring anything else up. She’s already given Sterling the tools to bring him down, now everything relies on Sterling using said tools. Instead Sterling uses her time wisely.

She has April sit on a tall crate that’s there as she sprinkles kisses across April’s chest. All she can hear above is April’s soft gasps. This moment right here and now is such a high. More than Ritalin, or cannabis or caffeine, indulging in April is an absolute drug. Sterling hopes she doesn’t have to go without moments like these ever in her life.

“Mmm I need you so much.” Her hips convey more than the words tumbling out of her mouth. Or so Sterling thinks. She keeps grinding against April and all she does is whine when Sterling pulls back.

“I want you so bad April,” she whispers right above her breasts. “I wanna know how you taste.”

Another kiss, another lick. More praise tumbles out of Sterling’s mouth. “Gosh I love you so so much.”

April shudders as she whispers “What did you say?” This girl hasn’t said a thing throughout their make out seshes, and it’s not the first time Sterling has said I love you.

Sterling brings her gaze up and finds April looking at her with such a turned on look. But it’s not just that, there’s pain and there’s self-doubt and all these things that plague April recently.

“I love you so very much.”

April’s eyebrows scrunch up. “Yeah?”

Sterling nods. “Yeah. Absolutely. I overwhelmingly love you. I’m so blessed to have you be my girlfriend.”

Tears well up in April’s eyes and Sterling almost feels bad because this is the first time in awhile where April is providing for her needs. Sterling should have known it was too soon.

“Awww babe. Come here,” she motions April into her arms. The brunette shakes her head.

“I’m not crying because I’m sad,” April whimpers. “I just-“

“It’s okay you don’t have to explain yourself. Crying soothes the soul.” At least that’s what her mother used to say when Sterling was younger. She rubbed circles on April’s back. “You’re incredibly brave and incredibly strong but it’s completely okay to be vulnerable too.”

April pulls back from her place at the crook of Sterling’s neck. “I love you too. So very much.”

The taller girl places a kiss on her girlfriend’s forehead. “I know.”

“Is it selfish that I like it when I hear you tell me that you love me?” April asks as if it’s a stupid question.

It’s not. “I don’t think it’s selfish and if that’s the case then I’ll say it every day.”

Sterling buttons up April’s shirt. “You know what else you might like hearing: the fact that you’re the most beautiful girl around and that in my eyes you get more and more beautiful each day.” Sterling does not dare look at her in the eyes because if she did, she’d rip open the shirt she’s trying to tuck in. When she’s finally brave enough to sneak a glance though, April is absolutely red. The brunette lets out the breath she was holding in.

Sterling changes the subject. “Why are we doing this whole abstinence thing anyways?” Sterling signals for her to turn around so she can tuck in April’s shirt from the back. She honestly said it as a joke.

“Because I was fasting all this time. I have a lot of prayer requests so when I can’t sleep I started to pray.” Her hands pause on April’s back. Sterling never expected this response. The other girl continues “But the fast ends after the pageant. Besides, I’ve read that abstinence actually makes it more....pleasurable once you return.”

Good because she feels like a fucking cat in heat. Something primal in her takes over as she grabs at April’s hips with one hand and pulls her back against her body by putting her in a loose chokehold with the other. “I’m literally going to implode soon,” Sterling growls against her ear.

April’s a little minx, clearly, because she grinds her ass against Sterling. “You’re not the only one Wesley.” Sterling stifles a moan just to not give April the benefit of hearing it but April disarms herself from her embrace regardless.

Sterling’s phone buzzes. It’s go time. She kisses April one last time. “I love you princess.” And walks out without another word, for theatrics sake. Sterling could be facing Al Capone for all she cares, she’s confident she’ll beat them into a pulp.

* * *

_Watermelon sugar high_

_Watermelon sugar high_

_Watermelon sugar high_

_Watermelon sugar high_

_Watermelon sugar_

This time around, Sterling does bring up Wu’s philandering mother and she does it with no remorse. Especially because he brought up her kidnapping.

He takes the negative. “Well would you have still wanted the police defunded when you were kidnapped?”

Sterling wants to reply with “fuck you Wu.” But she can’t. She also spies April by the edge of the door and she signals to her to gut him.

“Don’t answer that,” he says before she responds. “I’ll speak from my experience. One night my father grabbed a shotgun and was going through a mental health episode and if it weren’t for the police, who knows if I would be standing here before you.”

This is her cue. “Well your father grabbed a gun because he found your mom’s trainer in bed with her and he thought he was a home intruder. That doesn’t constitute a mental health episode. Defunding the police doesn’t mean police will stop to protect our communities instead it further protects our homeless neighbors and family members who truly face mental health by not policing them and providing them the appropriate services. Well I suppose even crimes of passion could have their own department.” Everyone in the room sucks in a breath when she shoots her final zinger. The other boy just looks at her like he’s going to cry. “Time.”

Later on when the Willingham team is chanting her name, her phone buzzes.

**Now**

**best month ❤️:**

Come over champ, I’ll sneak you in 😉

Tomorrow is a big day for April. When she curls up next to her that night in her room, she whispers affirmations to her ear until she falls asleep. Sterling is confident she can do this forever.

* * *

_Strawberries on a summer evenin'_

_Baby, you're the end of June_

The pageant takes place in Macon and it takes Sterling about an hour forty minutes to get there. Sterling had to wake up at 4am to sneak out and go home and April and her mom left at around 6am to get to the pageant early. Hannah B and Ezekiel were also coming to support their best friend.

The hall in the convention center is filled with families and friends of the contestants. It’s sad that the majority are white but that’s the thing with pageants around these parts. There’s also a ton of portly men sitting in the back and Sterling glares at them because…. Ew, gross.

She finally finds decent enough row to sit at that will give her the best view of her best girl. Sterling whips out her phone and shares her location to the rest of the Holy Trinity.

She’s about to look through the program she got at the entrance when her phone starts buzzing.

**Incoming Facetime**

**best month ❤️**

Sterling doesn’t think twice to answer. “Hey, babe”

“Hi. Are you here?” She can’t really see April that well. Wherever she is, it’s dark.

“Yeah, I got here about 15 minutes ago and just found a good seat. Where are you?”

April shifted, allowing more visibility to her face. “Umm, I wanted to escape from my mom for a little bit. She seems to be more excited than me. I told her I was going to the restroom and found a utility closet.” April laughs. Literally and figuratively she was always in a closet.

Sterling smiles back, “How are you feeling?”

That classic Stevens smirk adorns her face and for a moment Sterling wishes that she was there in the utility closet with her. “Ready to win this pageant.”

“Atta girl.”

“There is naturally one true competitor. I figured out who it is. She’s tall, brunette, model face-“

Sterling is not surprised that April can pinpoint the competition like she’s a cheetah on the prowl. I mean she experienced the other end of it for the past 5 years. “Model face? Should I be worried?”

April laughs, “No…no, of course not. She’s not my type.” Sterling wishes she could ask what is her type but April continues. “She’s a lesbian too. And she’s out. Her girlfriend is here with her, helping her out.” At the end there, April’s tone dampens.

Sterling thinks she knows why. “Do you want me to -“

“No,” April interrupts. “No, I mean...would I want you here with me? Yes. But I-“

“April, it’s alright. I understand. Look, I know I wasn’t on this train in the beginning but everyone has their own journey. You and me we’ll be out when we’re ready. On our own terms. And there’s nothing we’ll miss out on. It is what it is, but right now what’s important is the present. Our present currently includes us loving each other and us exploring so many new things.”

April sighs. “Part of me knows that. But it’s...interesting to watch. Nonetheless, I’ve added that to her dossier. I will effectively use it to my advantage.”

Sterling’s eyes widen. “Wait what?”

“I have to go.”

“Wait, April-“ and she hung up.

Sterling sat back in her chair. April is smart. Conniving too. But Sterling also full heartedly believes that April has a massive heart as well. It’s just hidden there under all these defense mechanisms she’d built to protect herself.

April will be fine and Sterling says a quick prayer for her. Winning is important to April so it’s important to Sterling.

Also because her ‘getting some’, is really dependent on this.

* * *

_I want your belly and that summer feelin'_

_Getting washed away in you_

She recognizes ‘model face’ the minute she walks out. The Formal Wear portion is first and it’s when all the girls are asked to introduce themselves. Her name is Danielle Gold. Hmm interesting name.

She’s hot. Like really hot. Danielle is perhaps a bit taller than Sterling. She has shiny brown hair, but what really catches Sterling’s attention is her big luscious lips. Formal Wear’s theme is antebellum (which is really racist, but again it’s a pageant in the South). Danielle wears a black satin dress with ruffles that cascade down as an X over her chest to the bottom of the dress. It’s like this girl thrives going against the grain. Black is for funerals, as Sterling’s mother would say. But here, now this girl rocked this black Victorian goth look.

At least that was Sterling’s opinion until April came out. A list of Danielle’s deficiencies ran through her head as soon as she saw how gorgeous her girlfriend looked. April wore an off-the-shoulder burgundy dress. It seemed to be satin but it had an overlay of black. In the light it interchanged between burgundy and black. While Danielle was flat, April wasn’t. The dress accentuated her bosom and curves. Her auburn hair was intricately done half-up, half-down. Her curls perfectly framing her face. And obviously the piece de resistance, her cross necklace.

“She looks saintly,” whispers Hannah B next to her.

Sterling and Ezekiel nod. She looks heavenly. Regal. Poised.

April Stevens was about to give everyone a run for their money.

* * *

_Breathe me in, breathe me out_

_I don't know if I could ever go without_

Sterling has so many images to add to her finger bank. After the Formal Wear, it’s Swim Wear time and fuck it if she almost swears out loud. April wears a green ruched lettuce trim bikini swimsuit. Golly gee, damned to hell, April’s body was goddess-like, I mean, if Sterling believed in paganism. Working out had benefitted her this round. Sterling almost excused herself to go masturbate.

They’re really toe to toe, Danielle and April. They both look good but Sterling gets April’s angle now. Danielle’s rebel girl was juxtaposed with April’s good Christian girl. In the South, what do you suppose receives all the votes?

It’s in the Community portion that Sterling sees April struggle. Her girlfriend goes first and she has a complete PowerPoint and TedTalk style presentation about her missionary trips and supporting social enterprises in Central America. It’s great. Zero flaws. April looks great too, she wears a burgundy suit jacket with a khaki skirt and cream blouse. Sterling imagines peeling it off of her but then she realizes where she is. Ezekiel smirks back at her. She’s being too obvious.

A few other girls go, their subpar presentations almost putting her to sleep, until finally it’s Danielle. She wears a black long sleeved top and black skirt. Her hair is pinned to the side. It’s the first time she looks -not like a rebel.

She has a paper in her hand, but once she looks up she stuffs it in her skirt pocket. “I grew up here, in Macon. Sometimes I wish I hadn’t. Being here is like joining one big family reunion. The one you’re particularly annoyed at until you have some peach cobbler that helps simmer you down.” People in the crowd chuckle. “I guess I just felt like I never really belonged here. So I travelled far and wide to find a new home. I found one, but that’s another story for another time. I don’t have a big presentation on all the good I’ve done to the world. Lord knows that’s between me and Him. Instead I am here to demand inclusivity. You see pageants like these are a dime a dozen. But there isn’t a single pageant that seems accepting of me as I am. I am a lesbian. My girlfriend is here tonight supporting me. And you see there are plenty of younger girls participating in circuits across Georgia who also might be of this particular taste and yet they cannot or will not be able to fully express themselves and they’ll just never be at home. It’s hard enough that this pageant life excludes black and brown folk but now it also excludes folk like me. You might ask yourself how I got here. See, I fooled you all. I made you believe I was normal. Truth is I am. I am and will always be a daughter of Macon and a naturally a Georgia Peach. Thank you for your time.”

Sterling claps fiercely and she realizes that the rest of the floor does too. It was darn good speech.

**Now**

**best month ❤️:**

That was really good.

Sterling’s not going to lie to April, so she types back a quick “it was.” And leaves it at that.

The Talent section happens next and her, Ezekiel and Hannah B have one hell of a laugh with all these girls’ weird talents. One girl can ride a unicycle. Another one takes a stab at being comedic, and fails, miserably. Another one shows off her bug collection. Of course Danielle and April have the same talent. Singing.

Danielle sings a stripped down, slowed-tempo version of “Watermelon Sugar.” Sterling is amused because she had this song at the surface of her mind these past couple of weeks but now she knows for sure it’s going to be stuck in her head.

And of course April appeases to all the white older demographic by singing a stunning rendition of “How Great Thou Art.” She wears a white billowy dress and chooses to have a small orchestra accompany here. She hits all the notes and finishes with a crescendo. April smiles at her when she’s done, and Sterling mouths back to her that she’s an angel. Her angel.

**now**

**best month❤️:**

Cross all your fingers.

I’m crossing even the ones on my toes. No matter what happens, you did so great. I love you.

**now**

**best month❤️:**

I know 😉

She’s about to reply “hey that’s my line” but then the lights dim meaning the winner’s ceremony would start.

_Watermelon sugar high_

_Watermelon sugar high_

_Watermelon sugar high_

_Watermelon sugar high_

_Watermelon sugar high_

_Watermelon sugar high_

_Watermelon sugar high_

_Watermelon sugar high_

April wins. Naturally. And when she does they all cheer for her like they’re out on a NASCAR race.

Danielle wins second. Sterling can tell she’s a bit annoyed but she half smiles at April when they’re both up in the limelight.

Afterwards all of them make it backstage and April is there with her trophy and ribbon and crown. Everyone takes turns talking to her. Eventually Ezekiel and Hannah B start talking to her mom about dresses and April uses that as an opportunity to pull her aside.

“I spoke with Danielle,” April half whispers. “I told her my truth.”

“What did she say?”

“She was happy that I shared it with her. It confirmed what she said. And then she said what you had told me earlier, about everyone having their own journey.”

Sterling nods at that.

April laughs suspiciously. “I sort of felt bad and offered her my trophy and then she told me to fuck off.”

Oh my! Her eyes widen. “April!”

“I was trying to Mean Girls it.” Her girlfriend looks up at her with doe eyes. Sterling takes a mental snapshot because she hopes to replicate that look but with her girlfriend under her.

Afterward, they all go have celebratory dinner with April and her mom somewhere in Macon. They can’t flirt there and it honestly just feeds to her sexual frustration. April won, so hopefully it means she’ll get some soon. Which if the foot caressing her inner thigh under the table is any indication, she will.

On the drive home, Sterling adds “Watermelon Sugar” to the playlist and hits play for the both of them.

It’s only till she gets back home that she sees texts from April.

**1 hour ago**

**best month❤️:**

Omg, I almost choked on my VitaminWater when the song came on. My phone is connected to my car.

**57 min ago**

**best month❤️:**

My mom just asked me what the song is about….

Sterling sniggers.

_I hope you explained to her that it’s about me eating you out._

**now**

**best month❤️:**

😳 wow lol

Fire and desire pool at her center. Sterling sees the 3 dots though and so she sits still waiting for her prey.

**now**

**best month❤️:**

I wish u were here in bed with me

_Me too. Tomorrow?_

**now**

**best month❤️:**

Yes.

I was about to FaceTime you to help me right now but if we are meeting tomorrow. I’ll wait. #abstinence

Ughhh why did she say that?

Ka-Boom.

* * *

_I just wanna taste it, I just wanna taste it_

_Watermelon sugar high_

Tomorrow doesn’t come soon enough it seems. April is on a full-on victory tour. She goes to Hannah B’s place and has breakfast with her and Ezekiel. She texts Sterling that she’ll be over at around noon.

The Wesley parents still aren’t back from Big Daddy’s until Tuesday. She kicks Blair out, encouraging her to go hoe around. Realizing that her room is an absolute mess, Sterling starts fixing it up. She picks up all the dirty clothes, shoots some pumpkin spice Fabreeze, and sets out a bottle of apple cider by the door.

Soon the doorbell rings and she’s absolutely fizzing of excitement. She hits play on her phone to sound off “All I Do is Win” when April walks through the door. She mimics an airhorn, and shakes up the cider to have it pop open, leaving a rain of cider fall over them both. April laughs endlessly at all of her silly antics. The shorter girl wears her sash and crown proudly.

When she finishes being a goofball, she grabs at April’s cheeks and pulls her in for a searing kiss. “You won,” she murmurs when they come apart.

“You did too,” April replies earnestly.

The blonde girl kindly offers water and food to her girlfriend but gets a smirk in reply. April is not hungry for food. So Sterling laces her hand in the other girl’s and leads her up to her room. Once inside, nervous sexual tension takes over them both. They both clearly want to ravage each other but it’s hard to note who will go first and what to do.

Sterling decides to break the ice. “Come, I want to show you something.” She signals for April to come toward her desk, as she opens a drawer and pulls out a single file.

She moves behind her girlfriend as she gets closer. Sterling’s chin finds home on April’s right shoulder and her hands circle around April’s abs. “Do you know what that is?” She whispers in April’s ear.

The other girl shakes her head, unknowingly.

“It’s a dossier.” April opens it and finds notes scribbled. She sort of wishes she can see all of April’s expression for this next part. “It’s a dossier on you. All the things I want to do to you that I haven’t had the chance to do.” She licks the edge of April’s ear and feels the smaller girl shudder beneath her.

April sighs and clears her throat after. “Which one of these is the one you want to try the most?” Her dark blue eyes shift to the side to try to see Sterling’s reaction. Sterling knows exactly which one and she points to it. April looks down.

“Okay.”

Okay? Okay. Okay!

“Are you sure?” Sterling asks.

April takes off her crown and sash and sets it on top of the desk. “Yeah,” she says turning around.

And their off! It starts off slow and then builds up gradually. Sterling reaches for her cardigan and takes it off of her. April feels Sterling’s fingers twine into her hair and yank to pull her closer into their kiss. The shorter girl moans but soon finds herself on her back in the center of Sterling’s bed.

“Sorry, did I push too hard?” Sterling mumbles as she travels down April’s neck. No more pageant means she can bite and nip at the skin.

“Fuck, Sterl,” April moans, “That feels so good.”

Sterling peels off the rest of her girlfriend’s clothes and takes off her own as well, leaving the both of them in their panties and bras. April’s hands roam across her sides and fondle her breasts over the bra, eliciting moans and whimpers.

Their mouth move in tandem. Eventually the bras join the rest of their clothing on the floor. Sterling sighs. There really is nothing more pleasurable than feeling April’s body naked underneath her.

“I want you on my face. You are going to taste so good.” Sterling stars whispering against April’s ear again as she grinds her body against the shorter girl.

Sterling chases April’s lips again and is met with air. All of a sudden she finds herself pressed onto the bed, April having flipped them over so that now the auburn haired girl straddled her. “What are we waiting for then?”

April lifts up her hips first to take off her panties. When Sterling looks, she almost cums right then and there. “Babe, you shaved?”

April looks down and then looks up at her. “I mean I literally was just wearing a swimsuit at a pageant.” Disappointment must have crossed Sterling’s face because April leans down to plant a kiss on her lips. “And also because I knew we were gonna...mess around, again.”

The shorter girl moves closer to Sterling’s face and tentatively lowers herself. “You’ll let me know if you get uncomfortable right?” April says hesitantly. Sterling nods and April shuts up any further comments the moment Sterling’s mouth touches her.

Oh fuck, April really does taste good. It’s sweet but a tiny bit salty. Like the syrup in canned fruit.

When Sterling looks up she sees April grip the bed frame. Her legs begin to shake as Sterling continues to work with her tongue, sucking and kissing her. “Sterling, Oh, Sterl, Ahh.”

Sterling places her hands on her girlfriend’s hips pulling them closer to her face and mouth. She wants April to grind on her. April looks down at her. “Are you sure?” she asks.

Sterling sucks hard on her clit and presses on her ass encouraging her. She takes a peak at April and she can see her girl roll her eyes back. She begins riding Sterling’s face and she leans back moaning louder.

Sterling doesn’t think she’ll ever be able to quit this. Not after she tasted this delicacy. This must be her promised land, her portion of milk and honey.

“Sterling, Sterl.. I’m close,” April moans and Sterling tightens her hold of April’s ass. “Oh my...yes, yes.” She pants, “Like that please.” Sterling licks faster and all of April’s moral sensibilities go out the window. “Fuck,” April cries out a moan of ecstasy as her body tenses and Sterling places soothing kisses to help her lover ride out her orgasm.

April falls beside her and faces her. Sterling wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. Her girlfriend still trembles next to her. All April mutters is “Wow.”

Both their faces are flushed and hair messy. Sterling swears this is the most beautiful sight she’s ever seen. She inches closer and passionately kisses April.

“Wow that’s how I taste?” She says. Sterling laughs.

“Are you okay, princess?”

April still looks winded. “My brain hasn’t turned on yet. That was the best orgasm I’ve had ever.”

Sterling fist pumps in the air. She then turns to April, eyes still glazed with desire. “You taste really good. Harry Styles had it right.”

“Good job,” April says placing an arm over her face. The lighting of the room seeming too bright.

Sterling smirks. “I aim to please. It was an orgasm fit for a champ.”

April takes a few deep breaths. Sterling thinks they might just doze off and continue more later. She’s about to close her eyes when suddenly she feels pressure on her neck.

April’s hands are on her throat. The pressure on her thumb against her pulse point makes Sterling’s breathing quicken. Oh shit. April climbs on Sterling again and her face gets closer to hers, all the while not loosening the chokehold on her neck. “If you think that I wouldn’t have a dossier that includes all the things I want to do to you before you had one of me, you’re dead wrong.” She whispers against her lips.

Ka-Boom.

_I just wanna taste it, I just wanna taste it_

_Watermelon sugar high_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it! Y’all can go say grace at church later lol. I was going to add something with a peach but Call Me By Your Name already did that so....
> 
> This is almost ending. Please comment and kudos if u want to, I appreciate y'all.
> 
> I hope you all are participating in the #SaveTBH efforts. We have a really great, talented fandom. We are gonna get thru this together. 
> 
> Follow on Tumblr: hija-del-trueno  
> ✌🏽


	9. Pluto Projector by Rex Orange County

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. In Spanish I usually say, "me ha llevado la chingada" which loosely translates to 'I've gotten my ass handed to me' by life (extremely loose interpretation). I am finishing up my Master's. I'm done in December! And I have a full-time job building programs for homeless folk. So I have my hands full, and these chapters just keep getting bigger and bigger it seems. But next one is the last one and I'll close it up.

_The great protector_

_Is that what I'm supposed to be?_

April is the little spoon. Which might be hilarious to anyone else who might see the two, considering: one, she is the shorter one of the two, and two, she’s the one with child.

But they make it work. They always do.

Its not that Sterling doesn’t like being the big spoon. There’s times when she’ll impose but it’s more that April rarely allows it. Having lived and loved Sterling for so long, April feels the responsibility to protect and care for her lover….her wife? Yes, her wife.

Sterling is everything pure in her life. She is good personified. She never grew weary of doing good, which brought so many blessings in their lives. Yet April also knew that the world was one full of sin. People could take advantage, could pull so much good from Sterling and leave her high and dry with nothing in return. She’d done it herself at the beginning of their relationship. Now April, spent her every waking moment making up for it, redeeming herself. She would not allow anyone to hurt Sterling and it showed even when they both shared a bed.

_What if all this counts for nothing_

_Everything I thought I'd be?_

_What if by the time I realize_

_It's too far behind to see?_

Her back ached. Already at 6 months, April’s belly protruded. This baby was totally going to be Sterling’s height. Honestly, she was a bit scared. If she grew any bigger April would for sure need a year to work out and erase all the stretch marks from her body.

It was impossible to sleep any further. Carefully she lifted her head to look beyond Sterling’s shoulder.

5:00 am.

Sterling would be up soon. If anyone would have told April in high school that ten years from then she would be living in Los Angeles, she would have sworn over Sgt Bilko’s future grave that she would never step foot in that heathen hole. But alas, Sgt Bilko was 10 feet under near Anderson Wesley’s wood shop in Atlanta and April was in LA.

Their third anniversary since coming out here was approaching soon. After college, Sterling had an opportunity to pursue work with the FBI. Realistically this work would bring Sterling all over the country but their choices for field bases were Phoenix, Omaha, Kansas City, or Los Angeles. Being a queer couple, the decision made itself really. Besides, moving to LA also provided Blair an opportunity to open up her own bail bond business and business seemed to always be booming here.

_Seventy-mil projector  
I can show you everything, yeah_

Beside her Sterling stirs like a cat. Purring, she stretches out her legs and arms and shifts until her body is facing April’s. A hand falls gently against her belly.

“Good morning,” she groans. Small rays of sunshine filter through the curtains. Sterling squints her eyes. She detests waking up early.

“Hey,” April tries no to laugh at her partner. Truth is that unlike Sterling, April loves waking up. She loves waking up and seeing Sterling next to her. She loves to wake up to this home they’ve created for each other.

_And we're on our way to glory_

_Where the show won't ever end_

_And the encore lasts forever_

_And it's time we're due to spend_

April checks for the time again to see how much wiggle room they have to stay in bed together.

5:00 am

Huh, she swears that was the time just a little while back. Guess not. Good, then they had plenty of time. Sterling wasn’t due in the office till 7am.

“You okay,” Sterling murmurs, stroking her head.

“My back hurts.”

Sterling smiles. “I’m so glad I won that rock, paper, scissors round.” It’s true, first to reach four wins, won. Loser gets pregnant. Honestly though it was only logical April carried it because her job as councilwoman was much for versatile. She had a whole team that would handle everything and it wasn’t re-election year so no stress.

April rolls her eyes.

Her partner’s crystal blue eyes twinkle in adoration. “Pregnancy really suits you, babe. Honest.”

Red seeps into her ears and cheeks. How does Sterling still manage to make her blush?

“You always were and continue to be beautiful but somehow you carrying our baby has made you even more so.”

_Spending the years together  
Growing older every day (Every day)_

The pillow beneath her head is soft, but much more softer are Sterling’s lips against her. Lately April deepens all kisses. It’s a side-effect (perk) of being pregnant. She wants Sterling all the time, and with higher intensity.

Sterling laughs against her lips and breaks it off. “I have to go to work, you know.”

April groans. “Don’t.”

Laughter fills the room. “How are we going to pay for our lavish LA home, and our lavish LA cars, and our LA baby.”

April rolls her eyes. “You have a fair point.”

Her wife does a little celebratory dance. April glances at the alarm clock.

5:00 am.

They still had time left. Why was she in a hurry?

  
_I feel at home when I'm around you  
And I'll gladly say again  
I hope the encore lasts forever_

“You’re going to be such a great mom,” April murmurs. Sterling’s head rests gently against her belly. The blonde turns to kiss it over her pajamas.

“So will you,” she says earnestly.

Getting to this point was no easy feat. It took April a lot of coaching and convincing by Sterling. Truthfully, April was scared. She wasn’t perfect. In high school she was mean girl who basically peaked and was lucky enough to have been blessed by God’s mercy to have ended up with the love of her life.

But despite what Sterling thinks, April’s not perfect. She’s quick to judgement and anger. Her faith is not the strongest, at least not like Sterl’s. She doubts God a lot of times, scared that these blissful moments have to end at one point. The dread of knowing there’s pain and suffering at the end of the rainbow. She shouldn’t think this way. They deserve happiness, don’t they?

_Now there's time for us to spend_

_And it's sublime with you, my friend_

“Am I?” she whispers in the dawn.

Sterling sighs as she settles next to her. “Underneath this rugged ‘I don’t need anyone’ facade lives a strong, brave, gentle, protective woman,” the blonde says all the while tracing infinity loops on her arm. “You see things I don’t. Capture people’s true intentions, see points of views that I haven’t ever considered. Your insightful and will get dirty to protect those you love. I can’t imagine having this family with anyone else but the likes of you, April Wesley. We really do make a great team.”

Ellen was right all this time. They really do make a great team.

“Which is why I wish you didn’t have to leave for such a long time, Sterl.” April whines.

There’s a big case they’ve given Sterling. A serial rapist in Seattle. Despite her whining, April was proud. This would be Sterling’s big moment if she caught this guy and April was confident that her wife would.

“I’ll be back before you know it.”

“I sure hope so. Wouldn’t want you to miss out on this one,” April says patting her belly.

It’s 5:00 am. “You know we have some time to....’fool around.’” She wiggles her eyebrows for effect.

“Pfft,” Sterling bursts out in laughter. “Gosh Miss April, you’re insatiable lately. Oh, quit your pouting, you know I’ll bend over backwards to satisfy you.”

April smirks, “Oh I really hope you do.”

It’s 5:00 am when Sterling makes love to her.

It’s 5:00 am when she wakes up alone the next day.

It’s 5:00 am times away later when she opens up the door to a weeping Blair.

And that, my friends, is where the dream ends because that’s just too unbearable of a plane to live in.

* * *

_This right here still feels like a honeymoon_

_When you say my name, nothing's changed_

“Mmm April,” a groggy Sterling picks up the phone. “It’s like 5:00 am. You okay?”

April breathes in the moment, grounding herself. Sterling is on the line. She’s alive.

April looks down. She’s not pregnant.

“April?”

“Sorry. I had uh- a dream?” Is it a dream? She’s still not sure yet.

On the other side of the line Sterling yawns. “I presume it was a bad dream? A nightmare?”

It wasn’t at first. It was nice. Really, really nice. And honestly April was at a loss of words. She shouldn’t have called Sterling. April can’t tell her that she was pregnant in this dream. That’s just, too much. “Yes, it was. But, Sterl, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have woken you up. We have two more hours until we have to be at school and -“

“Babe, it’s okay. I’m here to listen.” Sterling sounds brighter, more awake. And gosh, if April didn’t love her any more for it.

“I….it was a dream where you were there but then you weren’t. I lost you.” Her voice gets smaller and smaller. It’s as if someone grabbed her heart and squeezed it so hard. April truly was wracked with grief. The worst part is that it’s not even true. She just got a taste of it and now this future her mind had conjured would dangle across her eyes forevermore, taunting her.

“I’m here though. I haven’t gone anywhere.” Her girlfriend’s voice beckons beyond the whirlpool of thoughts that drowned her. “April?”

“Huh-Right. Sorry.”

A second or two pass where they just sit there hearing each other breathe. In any other occasion it would have been awkward, but for April it fulfills her with security. Sterling is here. She is not gone.

“Do you want me to stay on the line till you fall back asleep?” Sterling asks.

But her sleep is beyond repair at this point. “No, its okay. I think I’ll just take a really warm shower now and take my time to get ready.”

She thinks Sterling will hit her back with a naughty quip, but surprisingly she replies with, “Oh, yes that sounds relaxing. Well, I’ll be outside waiting for you when you come in, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I’ll see you later, alright. I love you.” Sterling it says it so beautifully that April wishes she can get the tone tattooed somewhere so she won’t ever forget it.

“I love you too.”

* * *

_I'm still a_ ~~_boy_ ~~ _girl inside my thoughts  
Am I meant to understand my faults?_

April feels like she’s in 5th grade again. Her mother drives her to school because the dream made her briefly forget that her car would be getting serviced today. She was lucky to have woken up so early because she was able to get ready and drop it off at the mechanics.

Back in 5th grade, her mother would always drop her off because her father had to be in the office at 7am. (In retrospect, he might have been too much of a lazy son of a bitch.) She’d tell her mom all the hot goss going on at school and what she thought would happen that day. Her mother always laughed. It was simpler times.

Now though, they sat in silence. April wasn’t trying to be mean to her mother but what would she say. _I’m plagued by a dream of my girlfriend dying._ Not really a good car topic.

They turned into Willingham’s parkway, driving past the student parking lot, and into the entrance of the main building.

Beside her, April’s mother chuckles. “Oh I just had me some dejavu. This is just like when I used to drop you off in fifth grade. Always driving up with little Sterling Wesley waiting for you.” She motions her head toward the front and when April looks up she finds Sterling front and center. As if on instinct, the taller blonde girl looks up and sets her eyes on her. Her ceruleans crinkle as her smile widens.

She frowns and side eyes her, trying to telepathically yell at her, ’ _Sterling, Mom here!’_ Whatever face she’s making works because Sterling waves at her hand at her mom as well and then she awkwardly pulls out her phone to act like she’s gotten a text.

“She’s a keeper that one.” April’s gonna twist her neck one of these days with people’s absolutely out of pocket comments.

Her brain is too overwhelmed and overstimulated to come up with a quick witty response so she settles for, “Hehe yeah. She’s a really good friend.”

Her mother turns to her, “The Bible says a true friend loves at all times and well, it seems she’s stuck around, even through all the…bull. Not like that Adele Meisner. People don’t always get that, sweetheart.”

April’s too tired to make anything of it. She nods agreeing with her mother. “Yes, Sterling is a good friend with a massive heart.”

Her mother smiles at her, and really April should be shaken at her core but…she’s not?

She hugs and kisses her mother goodbye, exits the car, and makes her way to Sterling.

“Sterl-“

“Oh hey didn’t see you there,” she says fake nonchalantly and April tries her best not to laugh. Its light moments like these that April almost forgets the society they live in, yearning to simply plant one on Sterling’s lips. More so now that she just dreamt of Sterling dying, she wants to feel her closer. She wants to hear her heartbeat just so she can snap out of it.

“And she’s gone. Let’s go milady,” and she juts out her elbow for her to hang from. That’s not too gay is it? Her inner self states _oh, fuck it._

She accepts the invitation, hooking her arm into Sterling’s.

Fuck it, indeed.

_I don't think so_

_I don't think I'm meant to understand myself_

They’ve been in the closet for about 20 min and class is about to start in 10. She just needed to re-familiarize herself with Sterling’s lips and Sterling’s hands and Sterling’s hips and everything else this weird morning robbed her of.

Her girlfriend wears a tie and it got undone awhile back. April’s glad she used to always tie her daddy’s tie because now tying it back around Sterling’s neck is easy. Finally she pulls at it to tighten it around the taller girl’s collar.

“Is this alright?” She asks, grasping at the knot of her half-Windsor.

“Tighter daddy.” When April looks up she finds Sterling smirking at her albeit cracking at the corners of her lips. April laughs for her. She does tighten it a bit more for the sake of being playful but Sterling’s eyes widen and bats her hands away from the knot. She asked for it.

Sterling chuckles as she loosens it to her liking. “I’m just trying to lighten the mood. You had a rough morning.”

April grips at the cross around her neck and nods. She doesn’t want to talk about it anymore really.

But Sterling continues. “I’ve truthfully never had a dream like that but this morning as you told me about it, I reflected on how that might have felt like. And well, loosing you...that seems very hard. That must have been some dream.”

She nods again. Despite her girlfriend’s kind hearted gesture to empathize with her, Sterling just didn’t get it. Loosing Sterling wasn’t just hard. It was impossible.

See, if Sterling lost her, she’d still have Blair and her loving parents. If April lost Sterling she’d have no one else in this world. She’d be all alone.

So, no Sterling doesn’t get it because for April losing Sterling is not a viable option. She rebuked that dream in the name of Jesus and sent it straight back to hell where it came from.

Which brings her to next thought. “I think I might be ready to come out.”

Sterling was fixing her collar when she dropped that bomb and immediately her hands dropped to her sides. “Really?”

She fidgets under Sterling’s hopeful stare. “Yeah, my father isn’t in the picture anymore and I have a feeling that my mom will be understanding. Here at school, well, Hannah B and Ezekiel already know and who else could possibly throw a big fuss, Franklin?”

They both scoff at Franklin’s name. Sterling’s been trying to kick his ass since his outburst during the biblical buildings instructions.

Sterling nods. “I’ll be honest with you, my parents have been a little weird lately.” It’s true, April had been over last week and she’d caught Mr. Wesley giving her some side eye that shook her to her core. “But if it’s something you are set on wanting to do we can game plan it and see what’s our best course of action.”

Sterling is practically beaming, and April reciprocates that feeling. In her dream, being out with Sterling was so attainable they had even started a family. Losing Sterling wasn’t just about losing her physically. Maybe the dream was a metaphor and Sterling might as well fall out of love with her and fall in love with someone she could be out with.

So before that happens, April decides that this is the best course of action for their relationship.

Class is set to start soon and Sterling walks out first but stands by anyways to wait for her because they have class together. April walks out a minute later but doesn’t find her girlfriend anywhere at least until she turns the corner of the hallway.

It’s Sterling...and Luke.

* * *

_Maybe you do_

_And that's good for you_

“Oh hey April!” Sterling waves at her. Her eyes say everything. Rescue me.

Luke turns to April and smiles. “Master Jedi, hello.”

“Likewise, Master Luke.”

Luke bows to her and straightens out with that dopey look he always sports. “Maybe you can help me convince your best friend, Sterling here to go with me to the end of the year dance.”

So that’s what’s happening. Well, shit.

Sterling gulps and looks at her nervously. April doesn’t know how the words form in her mouth but she simply says, “Yeah Sterling you should go with Luke.”

The other girl’s eyes and mouth both widen but she recovers quickly. “But April, remember me and you were going together as friends.”

She regrets all this the minute she’s said it, “I can go with Hannah B and Ezekiel.” She shrugs.

Luke looks at Sterling expectedly. April’s given her permission. “Sure, Luke,” she says bitingly.

He lets out a breath like he’d actually been holding it all this time. (April wouldn’t be surprised if he had) “Oh that’s great. Well I gotta go to my class on the other side of campus but uh I’ll text you later Sterl. So we can coordinate our clothes and such.” Luke bolts before he can see the disdain in Sterling’s face and April is too distracted by everything that just unfolded to realize that Sterling just walked into class without acknowledging her.

She walks in as well and finds Sterling looking down at her notebook.

Sterling is pissed.

* * *

_Maybe in time_

_Maybe one day_

_I'll do the same_

“What the fuck was that?”

Sterling really shouldn’t curse. At least not here in the foyer where 15 minutes ago they were praying and worshipping Jesus together. But everyone is gone now and Sterling seems to have processed what she’s feeling so she rips into her.

To answer Sterling’s question, April’s not really sure.

“April, come on, answer me?” She says forcefully and April’s never seen Sterling like this. It’s her cue to be the angry bitch.

“I-uh-I didn’t want to blow our cover. We’ve been careless and too close and people are starting to notice, Sterl.” It’s true. Her mom noticed. Sterling’s dad noticed and now if Sterling didn’t go to the dance with Luke, it’s possible that Luke and the Willingham student body would have noticed too.

Sterling breathed through her nose. “Weren’t you the one who, literally 5 minutes before Luke asked me, said that she wanted to be out?”

“But not like that. You said we would game pl-“

“Yeah I did say that but I also didn’t mean for you to give me away to Luke. We had a perfect excuse to go together. Everything would have been fine,” Sterling’s voice goes up and April continues to glance at the door, making sure no one is nearby. “Is this some kind of sick retaliation because I ‘gave you’ away in 5th grade, because I thought you were over that, April?”

That one stung. Of course, Sterling didn’t get it. She never did. Just like she never got it when they’d first broken up in the beginning.

“Sterling, I did it to protect you! To protect us! I know I said I might be able to come out but I keep noticing that people might know and I don’t want anyone to catch us off our guard. I don’t want to lose you because we were careless.” She tries to give reason. Really, she does but it only throws kinder in Sterling’s anger.

“That’s bull crap! And I know it and you know it. You know what the real problem is? It’s that you are undecided April. You are not constant. And you know what’s something me and the Lord share in detesting? It’s undecided-ness. You know the Bible right?”

Now she’s just straight up being mean with her. Tears threaten to form. She has one hand on her cross and the other on her bag strap.

“You know what the Bible says April: that God will vomit the lukewarm. People who can’t pick either or, He’ll just spit them out.” Now the tears form and April wishes she could hide away from all this but this she can’t, because the one person who usually is her shield is the one yelling at her.

Sterling walks closer to her, which in any event is good because her voice lowers while still pointing at her. “Oh, you know what else the Bible says? It says let your ‘yes’ be ‘yes’ and your ‘no’ be ‘no.’ You can’t just say one thing and mean another, April. You’re changing your mind again. I don’t want another repeat of the beginning and yet you did it again. That’s hurtful to me and tiring.”

April felt scolded. It wasn’t fair. Sterling knows she’s not brave like her. “I wasn’t trying to change my mind Sterling. I honestly wanted to protect you. You said it yourself last time, this town is full of bigots. Including Luke and including your parents.”

“I did say that but you don’t understand why I’m upset? April, I’m upset because you put words and actions in my mouth. You don’t get to decide what’s best for me,” Sterling points at herself for emphasis. “I decide what’s best for me. In fact, I could choose to come out for me if I wanted to but I haven’t because it’ll be difficult to hide you from the equation. You don’t get to decide what’s best for us, for this relationship. In fact your track record for decisions involving us is poor. The last time you decided on something involving us, you left me on a bench outside in the rain.”

It’s only know that April realizes this might be their first ever big fight. Not counting aforementioned conversation in the rain because they weren’t official back then.

They are at an impasse. She’s trying to understand Sterling but also April realizes that if Sterling really wanted to speak up for herself, she would have. Instead she always follows with what April says. So what’s her point too. “You could have still said no, if you really wanted to. I never put a gun to your head to accept. But at the end your going to the dance with Luke.”

Sterling rolls her eyes. “And I’m going to watch you hate yourself for it. If you think me accepting everything you say is because I’m some dumbass who blindly follows, then you’re dead wrong and you don’t know me at all. I’ve always supported you. But you know what? I’m done with this conversation for today, okay. Come on, I’m dropping you off.”

April wishes she were strong enough to reply and strong enough to stop Sterling from leaving angrily, but she’s not. She’s not strong, she’s stubborn and prideful. They might just need time. Tomorrow Sterling will understand.

Except...doubt creeps in and April’s heart is clenched again. Because maybe the dream is a metaphor. And this might be the beginning of the end.

It’s always 5:00 am somewhere.

* * *

_I'll do the same as you_

_I'll try and hold it up_

_Soon I hope_

April gets home after a long, painful car ride home. She’d be lying if she didn’t say that she’d been checking her phone every five minutes since she’d dropped her off. But alas, Sterling does not text her that night.

It’s fine. It’s just a fight. They’ll resolve it eventually. She’ll come around.

Instead April curls up in her living room and watches Rise of Skywalker. It’s not her favorite but it has enough angst to shift her sadness to.

By the end of the movie she’s bawling. Later when her mother finds her, she doesn’t think twice about asking if it really is the movie that made her cry or something else because this is her usual reaction to this movie.

It’s a crappy ending, April thinks. Ben Solo dies and it’s clear that Force Dyad is code for soulmate, and soulmates don’t just die. She doesn’t know how Rey is just supposed to live like that, without her other half. They could have at least put him as a permanent force ghost and have him follow her around or something. But they don’t.

I mean, really what was the point of his sacrifice if they weren’t going to end up being together.

Later that night in bed, she tosses and turns. She could text Sterling but what would she say.

April’s not sorry for what she did, and if she isn’t in her heart, then she won’t put it in words either.

_Or as soon as I'm old enough_

_(Old enough to understand_

_Old enough to understand)_

The next day, Sterling still waits for her at the front. She has her shades on and won’t say a word but they walk into class together and sit down.

She briefly remembers Sterling saying that when her parents got into fights they never stopped serving each other. It’s great, April thinks, because in the Stevens household they’d throw plates and insults at each other and John would disappear for weeks. Apparently to bang prostitutes and beat them up.

During lunch, April quietly murmurs she’ll go sit with Hannah B and Ezekiel and Sterling simply nods and leaves.

It’s in Spanish class that she almost blows up. She walks in and finds Luke serenading her girlfriend. Except this time he’s practiced and the song is good. She’s glad she caught the tail end of it because April thought she would have combusted live if she’d listen to all of it. Something about sterling qualities.

And there’s flowers. Beautiful pink peonies on her desk. She doesn’t dare look up at Sterling, or she’ll get a flashback of their argument yesterday. She doesn’t hate herself much yet.

“Hey April,” Luke says smiling at her.

“Luke.” She replies crossly and sits down and doesn’t let their murmurs during class bother her. April just happens to huff and roll her eyes through most of it.

The rest of the day imitates it’s own quiet start. She came in her car today so she goes to grab all the other books she’d left there. It’s when she closes the locker that she jumps twice as much as her height because Sterling is standing right there surprising her.

I guess she’s walking her to her car. Sterling motions her hand to give her the heavy books she’d pulled out, and without any words they made their way to her car.

Once there, Sterling made sure to open her door for her. At this rate, it would become extremely hard to stay mad at each other. Sterling opens the passenger door and places her books on the seat. They stare at each other for a second. Sterling’s face has softened although her eyes glint like her patience is being tested.

Eventually, she looks around behind her and leans back in placing a gentle kiss on her forehead and then swiftly one on her lips too. “I’ll see you tomorrow April.”

April knows that to really get the waterworks going she needs to watch Revenge of the Sith. This movie is what got her hooked on Star Wars. She was 10 when her father played it for her for the first time and she had felt so devastated but intrigued at the same time.

And now she sat here again, watching intently how this man susceptibly surrenders to passions and temptations of power. But then as she’s watching Padme plead to her husband on that fiery planet, April comes to realization. A stark one, to be honest.

Anakin doesn’t realize he’s fallen to the temptation of power because he is doing it out of love. To save Padme, from this impending death he saw in a dream. His fear had consumed so much that he resorted to control. If he had listened to Master Yoda and the advice he had given Anakin in the beginning, to let go, then things might have been different for them.

Now that she thought about it, Rey and Ben were the inverse of Anakin and Padme. While Anakin fell to the dark side to save Padme, Ben fell to the light to save Rey. Love’s foundation was never control but rather sacrifice.

And in order to truly sacrifice, one must let go of everything they fear.

_Stay forever,_

_you know more than anyone_

7:55pm

_Can you come sleepover?_

now

SW:

_Be there in 20_

April found that writing things down helped her compartmentalize and find the order in which to say things. She wrote it all down once, and then read it five times, making edits with a red inky pen as she went.

But none of that sufficed when she had Sterling in her room. Her mother had let Sterling without hesitation, unknowingly of the significance of tonight’s sleepover.

The order she meant to go in was: Explain reasoning for missteps, apologize, and the future. Yet, all her words and notes dissipated, swimming out to another dimension she couldn’t quite reach anymore. 

Sterling stood there awkwardly waiting for her. She held her left elbow and looked around, anywhere but her. It’s not like she wanted Sterling to stare at her anyways. At least not with the angry stare she’d given her the day before.

April sits on her bed, trying her hardest to find herself. It’s useless though, so she supposes she’ll just start with what’s at the tip of her tongue.

“I don’t want us to argue. I don’t want us to fight.” She looks down staring at her hands. She never wears her cross necklace to bed so her fidgety hands don’t know what to hold on to.

Sterling stares on and shakes her head. “I don’t want that either.” Oh, April supposes she started wrong. The order started formulating in her head again and she realized that she had started at the end.

“Sterling, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have spoken for you in front of Luke,” she dares to look at her now. As much as she tries, her eyes well up but she pleads. Pleads for forgiveness. “I messed up. You have to understand Sterl. You’re it. You’re it for me. I don’t think there’ll be no one else.” She stops to ponder. “I mean, I don’t want anyone else. Your love for me….its overwhelming. I know you always tell me but sometimes I don’t think I deserve you and I’m just scared.”

April closes her eyes and feels the bed dip next to her. Sterling’s hands slip into hers. “April-“

“Now wait, let me finish. Please.” Sterling silently laughs and nods for her to continue. “I’m scared of losing you. Not just physically because of the bounty hunting but losing you in so many ways. That you’ll get bored of this. That you’ll find another girl. Or another guy. That you’ll find someone who wants to be completely out with you. Someone who is pure hearted like you. I’m scared they’ll try to break us apart. I’m scared that they’ll make either one of us see reason. All I’ve done this season is live in these fears and…well I’ve realized that I have been so caught up trying to stop these fears that, that in itself could potentially tear us up.”

April sighs and brushes her nose with the sleeve of her pajamas. “I don’t want to live in fear anymore. I can’t. It distracts me from this. It separates me from you. I have to let go. I know that now. I just want to apologize, because my fears caused me to be controlling and…..”

That’s all she can say really. The seconds tick away and April feels the silence can swallow them both whole.

_And it's you that knows my darkness_

_And you know my bedroom needs_

“I told you a long time ago, that I was scared. Scared because you had all this power over me. You still do…have all this power over me.” Sterling chuckles. “It’s hard to stay mad at you.”

April wants to kiss her smirk off but she knows right now is not the time.

“You shouldn’t be scared of losing me. And I’m sorry if I’ve ever perpetuated any of these fears. The bounty hunting, well I’m a good shot, aside from that whole fiasco a few months ago. That I’ll find anyone else, that’s -no. You are it for me too. A bajillion times mine. That they’ll tear us apart. Never. Over my dead body and I don’t -fucking- care what anyone thinks. And your own fears, I want to understand them. It’s just hard to get into that big, brilliant, crazy brain of yours. But you don’t scare me April Stevens. I would have ran away if I was ever intimidated. But I’m not. I am in this 1000% percent and I want to be with you forever. I haven’t gotten you a ring because I thought it was too soon.”

April never believed in confessions of love. She thought those were exaggerated in rom-coms. But this, this right here. She wishes she could have recorded it and played it for all eternity. Then again, Sterling being with her forever. She’s get the live version every night and day.

“But April Stevens, in my heart, you are my wife, my lover, my partner. I know we have a long ways to go. I just want us to communicate better. I want to understand your fears and everything about you. If you don’t want to come out yet, that’s fine. We can be out when you are ready. You know that I’ll wait for you as long as you want. But I just want you to know that I love you. And if there’s ever a shadow of a doubt, you have to tell me. Please April, promise me.”

It is a fair enough promise to keep. April nods. “I love you too Sterling Wesley and even if I can’t express it as beautifully as you, I want you to know too: That my heart yearns for you every waking moment. That I want to do life with you.” She sniffles and smiles because middle school April probably never imagined she’d be this cheesy over someone. But love makes you do things you’d never imagine.

_“_ I’m sorry for yelling and being mean to you yesterday.” Sterling squeezes her hand and she squeezes back. “I’m sorry Luke was hogging me today in Spanish class. I know you didn’t like that.”

April laughs amongst tears. “Stupid Luke. I was ready to bash his head in.” She laughs even more at Sterling’s wide eyes.

She grabs the taller girls shoulders down so they both lie on her bed. Her lips connect with Sterling’s almost immediately. It’s not soft, but it’s not fiery. It’s just right.

“I told Luke, that I won’t be going as his date to the dance. I told him I had already told you first but that I would let him dance with me just once….as friends.” April places a chaste kiss against her lover’s covered shoulder.

“Thank you.”

Together they nestle into her Queen-size bed and cuddle up. For tonight, April’s content with being the little spoon. As she lets slumber take over, she basks in the comfort of Sterling’s arms around her and it being 5 am somewhere in the world.

_You could blast me and my secrets_

_But there's probably just no need_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stepril is so special to me. And I know they are special to ya'll too. I have other plot bunnies nibbling on my head so hopefully they see the light too soon.
> 
> Leave a comment, kudos, or shoot me a DM on my Tumblr: Hija-Del-Trueno


	10. Dear April by Frank Ocean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really didn't plan it like this. I meant to finish up the last chapter today because my schedule opened up. But I've noticed not a lot of people have posted probably because they haven't sleep this whole week and have been anxious. 
> 
> And then we get news that we did it. We won. Democracy won. Good character won. It's beautiful to know the whole world celebrates this win with us. 
> 
> The chapter ended up writing itself. I loved the journey and the community. I have more plot bunnies I have to flesh out. A new story will be up soon but thank you to every single person who read this, commented, kudos'ed it, and all that jazz. 
> 
> Additionally I made the actual playlist on Spotify with a few more songs that encompass everything that I feel in this tumultuous journey of falling in love with TBH and Stepril: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0TOraptPVZts5RdinrOinn?si=iNfOqUlFRi6qD3m7xDlrWw
> 
> Please enjoy the last chapter :)

_Dear April_

_The only face in the crowd that I know_

Sterling sometimes wonders what would have happened if she hadn’t taken that risk. By risk, she means planting her lips firmly on April’s, that memorable afternoon after having turned in Solomon’s temple.

She wonders what would have happened if April hadn’t locked the door and instead left. Would they still find themselves here? Two young girls so in love.

Or maybe April would have outed her to the whole school…Sterling is fully aware that she is beyond lucky (blessed, because Christians don’t believe in luck). Not everyone gets the girl, like she had. In fact, one night Blair found this article on Cosmo.com that had multiple stories of girls coming out to their crushes and a lot of them were rejected and outed. Their crushes being disgusted by them, blocked them on their phones and social media. One girl even shared that she came out to her best friend just to have her best friend ghost her forever.

April herself had experienced rejection with Adele and all the others. It’s perhaps why they both cling to each other, because inside the walls of Willingham, and the radius of their privileged suburb they only have each other. Anyone would think that April is the insecure one but as the next school year approaches Sterling starts worrying as well.

  
They haven’t talked about college yet but Sterling knows she’ll have to coordinate so many ways, to include her sister and girlfriend. And what if they end up long distance? Can they handle that?

“Sterling.”

_Dear April_

_Are you watchin' him?_

_Are you watchin' him dance?_

“Sterling.”

Luke’s warm voice brings her out of her stupor. His eyes crinkle in that special way that she knows is just for her. His smile doughy. Like the Pillsbury doughboy if his face was squished, she had once confessed to her sister. Sterling loves Luke, no lie. But not like that, unfortunately. She’d go up to bat for him any day, but he ignites very little in her physically and romantically.

“It’s a little surprising they’re playing this song huh?” He says as he points to the DJ. “I wonder who picked the inappropriate DJ.” He smirks at her.

She hadn’t even realized what song was playing until she did and her eyes widened. Thomas Rett’s “Die a Happy Man” The song Luke had dedicated to her in middle school. At the time, Sterling was smitten. He’d chosen such a grown man’s song and he’d sing it to her over the phone and during lunch…to the chagrin of Blair.

Now, standing here in the middle of the Wellingham high gym, she almost wants to roll her eyes. Luke still hasn’t grown up. If he had he wouldn’t be standing here, giving her his best puppy-eyed look to get her to dance with him to this song, especially after she had broken up with him more than 9 months ago. It’s honestly not even an inappropriate song.

He scratches the back of his head, “So you owe me that dance….”

Lowkey, Sterling wants to tell him to f- off, but its Luke. Her inner conscious (Holy Spirit?) tells her that he doesn’t know any better. He wasn’t trying to be clingy. He’s just hopelessly in love.

She takes a double take around the large gymnasium. The theme is Hollywood Red Carpet. The Holy Trinity honestly chose it because it was so general, the student body could show up however they wanted to. She is wearing a dark emerald green velvet cocktail dress. Luke wore a regular black tux with a classic black bowtie.

April still hasn’t arrived. Its only been the first hour of the dance but Sterling finds it strange April isn’t here yet. A twinge of worry sits on the edge of her temples. Maybe something happened at home? Or on her way here? Maybe she chickened out. Things regarding the end-of-the-year dance were still a little touchy.

“Fine.” She doesn’t even get to see Luke’s giddy face before she’s pulling him onto the dance floor. He places his hands on her waist, gently, softly. Too softly. It does absolutely nothing for her. Not when she’s had hands grip her and bruise her in fiery passion. He grabs her like she’s going to break. April grips her like she’s going to disappear.

Before, Sterling would have linked her fingers behind Luke’s neck. He’d groan and complain the next day that his neck was stiff and she’d massage his neck to make it up to him. It’s not really her fault that he’s tall though.Instead Sterling places both hands on his shoulders. She leaves enough room in between…for Jesus.

They sway softly. She’ll admit that it’s a bit awkward. He stares at her like the sun and the moon are coming out of her ass. She chooses to glance away. Right behind his left shoulder Sterling catches a glimpse at Blair. Her sister is practically meshed together with Ian Turner. Well, go her. Blair deserves it really.

“I really should move on, shouldn’t I?” Luke whispers taking her out of her reverie, again.

Sterling’s mumbles out a soft “umm, yeah” when she feels it. She feels the room shift. She feels eyes boring into her from behind. Suddenly she’s nervous, like her mom caught her with her hand in the cookie jar. Sterling can say “It’s not what you think” but she had already explained to April that she would just have one dance with Luke. She hasn’t done anything wrong and she continues only because she knows the song is in its last minute.

“Your date is here.” Luke doesn’t mean it maliciously but he smirks like he’s made a witty pun. He turns them a bit so she can see. Sterling wants to see and doesn’t at the same time.

She wears a red mermaid lace dress. It is Willingham though so the slit is not up her thigh but rather by her knee. And she’s sown in skin colored fabric on the v-neck so as to not expose her bosom. But gosh if Sterling doesn’t feel like Roger Rabbit as if her Jessica Rabbit just walked in.

April is talking to Ezekiel and Hannah B but Sterling knows that from the corner of her eye, April is keeping watch. Of her.

_Dear April_

_We were safe for a while_

_We were safe as the years flew by_

As soon as the song ends, Sterling lets go of Luke. His smile no longer reaches his eyes. It’s small and it’s sad. He bows to her and murmurs, “Thank you Sterling.”

She can thank him and get on with her night. It’s not the Sterling Wesley way though. The Sterling Wesley-way is compassion and empathy above all. Despite his shortcomings, Sterling knows the feeling of losing someone you love. She understands what it is to have your heartbroken into a million tiny little pieces and then have to pine over them from afar because it’s impossible to let go. Sterling knows, and because she does, she simply cannot let Luke go just like that.

Her right hand goes to stroke his cheek with her thumb while her fingers tickle the edge where his hair starts. This is familiar to her. “Luke, one of my biggest prayers is that you find the one person who will love you like you deserve,” she whispers. Moisture gathers in his eyes but he nods. “It’s not me. But I hope she comes around soon, because you are so amazing. You will always have a special place in my heart, Luke.”

They both chuckle and smile silently, doing their best to make the other’s tears fall. She lets go and its he who turns to walk away. It feels good to have this closure.

* * *

_If you could take two strangers_

_Leanin' them left and right_

April is off to the side, punch in hand, laughing it up with a few other folks now. Sterling wishes she could take a picture of her like this. Happy, lighter, carefree.

Long gone was the April from freshman and sophomore year. The one who wallowed in bitterness. John Steven went to prison and so did fall April’s shackles. She was now truly free to be herself.

And perhaps Sterling also helped in the making of this genuine version of April. She had been fortunate to meet this side of her that no one else knew. While she was glad for being the keeper of that secret, she wanted the world to know that this beautiful person was her girlfriend.

“She’s really it, isn’t she?” It’s Blair. Her sister was literally swapping spit with Ian Turner a second ago and now she’s here scaring the bajeezus out of her from behind.

But to answer her question, she turns to look at her girl and sighs in love, “I really hope so. I mean...I want her to be. I just hope I’m not coming across like Luke when he was head over heels with me.”

Blair nods as she stands to her right now. “You know, I usually don’t believe in people changing but April has surprised me. She really has changed. And she really loves you.”

Sterling knows how special the moment is because her sister would never admit to being wrong. “Awww Blair.”

Blair turns so quickly at her she almost jumps back. “But I love you more!”

Oh. “Of course. And I love you more than anyone who could be shoving their tongue down your throat.”

“Ian Turner just made me feel things.” Blair shuddered exaggeratedly.

To be honest, Sterling didn’t need all the details right now. She scrunches up her nose because that’ll signal to Blair that she’s being too much.

Blair smirks. “Well then go get your girl.”

_At a certain place and time_

_Like you took these strangers_

_And our two strange lives_

When Sterling reaches the punch table, she finds that April is no longer here. Her girlfriend is nowhere near her and Sterling looks around frantically because the Willingham gym isn’t that big in the first place.

The DJ has been playing pretty tame bops. Although she’s sure everyone would want some Migos or Lil Yachty. I mean this is Atlanta. Except that the majority of the school population is white, so she understands why he’s not.

Suddenly the DJ starts playing DNCE’s hit “Cake by the Ocean” which is not so tame. But peaking a glance to her left she finds Ellen in the corner giddily (awkwardly) jamming out and Sterling bets this lady really thinks the song is about cake.

But as Sterling turns to glance at the dance floor, she spots her. April. April who is dancing with Ezekiel and Hannah B. The shorter girl also finds her eyes and motions to her.

Their cover won’t be blown here, Sterling thinks as she walks over. It’s just two friends having a good time at the end of the year dance.

She saunters over until she’s in front of April who teasingly is grooving and moving to the song. Her eyes are a bit glassy and there’s a sweat on her brow. It’s possible someone might have spiked the punch. April smirks at her, and Sterling smirks back because they both know what they want to do to each other but can’t. At least not there.

Sterling leans closer and when her girlfriends notices she stops dancing, her eyes widening in confusion.

But Sterling doesn’t aim to for her girl’s lips but rather her ear. “You look so beautiful tonight.” She whispers close enough and when she pulls back, Sterling can see a blush creeping from her neck. She smiles at the auburn haired beauty in front of her. She leans in again because screw it, she’s young and she’s horny. You can’t blame her. “But not as beautiful as you’ll look under me.” April’s blush matches her red dress now.

_And made us new_

_And took us through_

_And woke us up_

When April grabs her hand its clammy. Sterling can’t tell if it’s the shorter girl’s buzz or that she turned her on too much, too soon. Regardless, they can’t do anything about it right now so they resort to dancing.

It’s fun and free. Much like this love they’ve invested in. Sure a lot of it was riddled in some old-fashioned teen angst, but as they grow together they fall more and more in love. There’s still things Sterling is learning about April. Like how she sticks the tip of her tongue out and over her upper lip when she’s concentrating.

Or how April grips Sterling’s thigh when they’re driving around. Or how April yawns into kisses when she’s sleepy.

She wants to continue to learn all these things. Sterling thinks sometimes there isn’t any possible way to have her closer…but she honestly wants her closer. And call her crazy to think of this so soon, but she wants to grow old with her small, spitfire of a girlfriend. Maybe this is exactly what Luke felt when he’d shared with her plans of their funeral and their kids. She hasn’t thought all of that out but Sterling knows in her heart that waking up to see April’s face was exactly what she wanted. Sterling’s sun rose with April and it set with April too.

To be this inexplicably in love is dangerous, but it’s worth the risk. Her and April as a thing? It totally had been hidden or paralyzed or something. But now that this is the present it’s absolutely everywhere and all the time. It’s Ellen’s office where they first kissed. It’s the chair where Mr. Koontz died where they made up. It’s Stone Mountain. And it’s bounty hunting. The hospital and the fun zone. It’s both their bedrooms. It’s their cars. It’s their favorite flavors of yogurt and the sushi place they like to go to.

Surely if this ends anytime soon, Sterling will die because there won’t be darn place that won’t be impregnated with a memory of them…of April. And that would just be too terrible to bear.

As April smiles at her, Sterling takes a mental picture because she hopes she can always best remember her like this. April smiling at her, with as much love Sterling gives April back.

She has a surprise for April. Sterling hopes it brings her an even brighter smile than the one she’s sporting right now. She leans in again to whisper against her girlfriend’s ear, “Tell them you’ll be right back. That we’re going to the bathroom.”

April nods and hastily tells Hannah B and Ezekiel they’ll be right back. It’s obvious they don’t really buy it but whatever…they’ll cover for them.

She puts out her hand for April to hold on to. April takes it shyly but gosh if it isn’t the biggest flex in Sterling’s life up until now.

* * *

_I believe that no matter_

_What it makes us new_

_Take us through it_

_And wake us up again_

She leads April to their closet. Sterling honestly thinks that years from now when they’re at their 20 year reunion both her and April will be such a successful power couple that they’ll be pouring in a several thousands to the Willingham fund that they’ll have to put a plaque over this closet. “The Sterling and April Wesley Utility Closet.” That’s what it will say and it’ll have the history of them as the first same gender couple to grace the halls of Willingham. It’ll be so awesome.

Before opening the door, Sterling covers April’s eyes from behind. “What’s going on?” she says.

“You’ll see,” Sterling replies.

They walk in and Sterling makes sure to not let her hands off until she sees that everything is right. Finally her hands fall and for a second Sterling doesn’t here a reaction.

It isn’t until she changes position to see her girlfriend’s face that she sees awe and utter surprise on April’s face. The utility although small is beautifully decorated. There’s glimmering hanging curtain lights against the walls. Paper stars are hung from the ceiling in different sizes. And a small bulletin board with the few pictures of them together. Soft smells of raspberry and amber permeate the room. It was hard to find the ‘Slow Burn’ candles but Sterling had finally found some and she ordered a solid five.

“This is….” April looks at her unbelievingly. Sterling waits for her answer. “-beautiful.”

She smiles. “Just like you, princess.”

April looks down with a shyness that is so unbecoming of her. She probably thinks she is undeserving. Little does April know that if it were up to Sterling, she’d bring her down the moon if she’d ask.

“It’s our own mini end-of-the-year dance. I know we can’t really slow dance out there, but here we can.”

_What we had won't be the same (same) now (now)_

_But you will make something new_

_And it'll take you through this_

Sterling hits play and “Slow Burn” starts to play. They meld into each other so naturally. Both their hands find their places immediately, without a thought. April lays her head on her chest and Sterling places her chin on top of April’s head.

  
This is their playlist. The one they’ve crafted together for the sit-in but evolved into a line of communication when words couldn’t do feelings justice. They’ve each chosen songs and added to them. Some of the songs did bring up painful memories but there were others that became anthems/reminders of their support and love for one another. And then there were some they just got plain dirty with.

“I know all these songs,” April murmurs below her. A different song suddenly plays. April lifts her head, listening carefully. Her eyebrow shoots up, “Except this one. Who is it?”

“‘Dear April’ by Frank Ocean,” Sterling replies. “It’s my love letter to you.”

April laughs lightly and continues to sway with her.

_Just like you made me new (you made me new)_

“April, I don’t know what the future holds. We literally were two strangers a few months ago. But now, now I...I can’t describe it. You might have started the playlist to convince me, well now I’m using the playlist to tell you that I love you.” April pulls away at arms length with the last few words.

_Just like you took me through (took me through)_

Sterling holds her face. This time she strokes her girlfriend’s maxilla. “It might be silly and too soon to say but I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to love you the right way, with all of my heart and all of my soul. You’re it for me. I love you, April Stevens.”

The other girl has tears softly falling onto her cheeks but her watery smile says it all. Her glistening dark blue eyes. Shuddering she says, “I don’t think I can top that right now.” They both laugh. Sterling brushes the tears that have fallen. Their lips connect innocently but with so much love.

“I love you too, Sterling Wesley,” the auburn haired girl whispers against her lips. “And I’m so glad I was brave enough to make this playlist for you, for us.”

_Just like you woke me up (woke me up, yeah)_

Sterling kisses her again. Their lips push and pull against each other. She felt her heart beat outside of herself and it surprised her that April still cause this reaction from her. Soft and slanting at first but then it was spiraling, dizzying. Sterling held her girlfriend’s face thirsting for her, as if she were in a drought. An inner desperation of wanting that they both hoped would never end.

April stops their making out, as Sterling moans for the loss of her. She’s about to complain when April’s lips attach to her neck, licking and biting. As she looks up Sterling catches her reflection on some metal. Both their lipstick is smudged on her face and her hair is in a somewhat disarray. April sucks on her collarbone and then goes on to kiss and lick amongst her exposed shoulder. Sterling’s fingers inch around the shorter girl’s neck. The combination of lace amongst her cherry porcelain skin.

“I’m going to enjoy peeling this dress of you later,” Sterling whispers out loud. April bites down softly and she protests because they still have to go back to meet everyone else. “As much as I’d love to have you ravage me beautiful, we gotta stop.”

April let’s go of her skin with a pop. Her eyes, wild and feral. Like a tiger trapped by a cage of desire.

Sterling kisses her again. “Later, pinky promise.”

_You made me new_

_You took me through_

_You woke me up (woke me up)_

They clean each other up and reapply their makeup. April motions for the door but then Sterling pulls at her hand strongly enough for the other girl to be jerked back into her embrace. “One more dance,” Sterling whispers. April rolls her eyes but falls in line again. This time she doesn’t lay her head to hear the blonde girl’s heartbeat, instead she holds her head up high, almost proudly.

“You know,” April murmurs, “when I walked in earlier I saw Luke...dancing with you.” She spitefully says that last part out. Sterling’s eyes widen because she knows what April is capable of. “I was obviously jealous. Jealous that he got to hold you and dance with you for the whole world to see. He can offer you something that I can’t.”

Sterling grips her more firmly. “You don’t ever have to worry about Luke, or anyone else for that matter. I only have eyes for you. My ears only hear you. And my heart...my heart only beats for you. Whatever Luke can offer can’t compare to what you’ve already given me.”

April looks down inquisitively staring at the tile. What she says next is quiet enough but it just might move mountains. “I think this upcoming year I’ll come out to my mom.”

Sterling nods and smiles. She doesn’t have the heart yet to tell her that over the weekend Sterling herself had come out to her parents. They were surprisingly, supportive. Perhaps still awkward and processing. There were a lot of tears but Blair had been there and that’s really all Sterling needed. It ended with more hope towards a larger conversation and an invite to dinner for April.

She’ll tell her girlfriend over the summer. But for now Sterling settled for the excitement that bubbled on the surface for this brand new step in their relationship. They didn’t hold hands in the lockdown but now they opened the door of the closet ready to face whatever came their way, their fingers intertwined. That ‘maybe’ never stood a chance against their love.

_Dear April, are you watchin' him dance?_

_Dear April, are you watchin' him dance?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you really enjoyed this fic. Please leave a kudos or comment. Any and all are appreciated. 
> 
> Leaving the link to the playlist here again: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0TOraptPVZts5RdinrOinn?si=iNfOqUlFRi6qD3m7xDlrWw
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr: https://hija-del-trueno.tumblr.com
> 
> Today, love wins.


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